pigeons, poop, and gameballs

saturday was an interesting day for us. as far as saturdays go, it was the best of saturdays, it was the worst of saturdays. we’ll start with the worst: getting pooped on. ever since we put in the concrete in our backyard, we have noticed that we have a serious pigeon problem. apparently our house looks exactly like a public restroom for pigeons (aka the cockroaches of the sky) and we are the only reststop in between every pigeons’ residence in town and pigeon disneyland because it looks like a juiced up jackson pollock went all pigeon excrement on our patio... several times over.

inasmuch as mr. pollock (or, jack, as i like to call him) is arguably my painter of choice, i prefer oil on canvas hanging on the wall rather than feces on concrete hanging off the bottom of my shoe (or out of colston’s mouth). as such, we were delighted when we recently found a business card on our doorstep informing us that we had a bird problem and that “they” could help… all we had to do was call a number and pay some money. i thought: no sweat, let’s pay someone else (see previous post on paying people to do work for me) fifty to a hundred buck to climb way up on a ladder and take care of this garbage and be done with it. i don’t have a ladder that will go as high up as i need, plus i don’t want to break my neck. so, being the dutiful wife that she is (as well as being very well accustomed to cleaning up after everyone’s crap), aimee gave the business a call.

we were filled with hope as we began to envision a day in which we would step out onto our patio without the fear of slipping on pigeon droppings. we thought to ourselves: can this be true? is someone really willing and able to rid us of this annoyance? and so we waited. we waited anxiously right up until saturday morning when the bid-giver guy arrived. he came and unfortunately our hopes and dreams of a better life were dashed. aimee dealt with the guy so i don’t have details. all i know is the guy checked out the house and told us it would be $700 to pigeon proof the house. $700!!! are you kidding me??? come on!!! $700!!! i couldn’t believe it. i was already being pooped on by the pigeons, i wasn’t about to take it from the pigeon problem fixers as well. needless to say, i was out cleaning pigeon poop off the patio this morning before church.

second worst of saturday event: we got a text from some friends we go to church with inviting us over to go swimming at their house saturday afternoon. the weather was nice, we like to swim, and we like the people who invited us over, so, why not? and we did. we hopped in our swimwear and headed over to charles and aniges’ for a pleasant afternoon in the pool, but as we all know, not many things are pleasant when our very active boys are involved (fun, yes, but pleasant… not even a little) why should Saturday have been any different?

we arrived at the coons-gubler residence and made our way to the backyard with charles (angie and the girls were not back from a birthday party yet). the big pool was still way too cold for swimming, but the hot tub was perfect so we all hopped in and were having a grand ol’ time until jameson surfaced from the depths of the jaccuzzi with what appeared to be… well, either a very soggy snickers bar or as charles put it: a floaty. unfortunately for us, it was the latter… even more unfortunately for us, it did not belong to charles (which means it belonged to one of us… the guests…). which also means that this was not our house, nor our pool we were desecrating (i for one would have felt much better if the floater did not belong to one of our kids)… and even more unfotunatelier for us, this discovery was made just as angie and the girls were getting home.

i am not quite sure what must have been going through anige’s mind as she stepped into they backyard and saw charles heading to the garbage with a very suspicious looking item encased in an ice-cream sandwich box while jameson fished out the remaining dookie morsels and placed them in a plastic bag i was holding. i never really understood the actual meaning of the word “mortified” until that very moment. thanks to one of our sons, i will forever have a most embarrassing moment experience that i can share at every team building activity or ward home evening i attend for the rest of my life. i think aimee went into shock when she saw angie (keep in mind that aimee refers to angie as “lady angie”). luckily, charles was johnny on the spot and drained the hot tub faster than aimee could pass out and drown in the hot tub (which is good because had she started drowning i am not sure i would have stopped cleaning up with jameson to rescue her). first it was the pigeons, then the bid-giver guy, and now one of our sons (who will remain nameless).

thank goodness sir charles and lady angie are a class act and handled the situation very well. in other words, they did not kick us out or make us feel like the feces we just cleaned out of their pool. and just so we’re clear, we did get it all cleaned out. the marvels of modern pool engineering, chemicals, and salt allowed charles to empty out the hot tub and refill it with clean water (that’s right, because of us, the coons-gublers had to drain their hot tub and refill it… wonder if we will ever get invited back to swim again?). anyhow, charles, angie, and family, if you are reading this: thanks for inviting us over and thanks for not making us feel really badly (because we already do). you guys are great!!!

people pooping on the coopers: 3. coopers: 0.

time to even the score. now for the best of saturday: hands down, the best part of saturday was jameson’s baseball game. for the second time in three games jameson was awarded a game ball for his solid performance on the diamond. for starters, jameson just about hit for the cycle: his first at bat went for a triple and his third, a double; but it was his second at bat that really caught everyone’s attention. it took only one pitch for jameson to rope the ball and go yard with it. it was easily the best hit ball that i have seen any player hit in his league this year. i was coaching first base when he hit the ball and could tell when it didn’t even hit the ground until it reached the outfield that he’d be rounding the bags. i got some goosebumps. it brought tears to aim’s eyes. we were definitely the epitome of proud parents. jameson’s coach said the ball rolled until it came within two feet of the fence. that, along with some solid d, was enough to earn him a game ball and that trumps all the other poop we had to put up with on saturday.

j