Friday, October 30, 2009

what the world has been waiting for: more pics of the cooperfive

we're one day out from halloween and my kids have already worn their costumes this year more than i ever wore all of my old costumes over the course of my entire childhood. halloween, like many holidays these days, has become completely commercialized and is exploited to no end. and i'm ok with that. i'd especially be ok with that if i'd spent like $40 on a costume that i'd really only get to wear once. i need trunk or treats, fall festivals, private parties at friends' homes, public gatherings at strip malls and the springs preserve, school parades, library story times, and all before even thinking about trick or treating to make all the hoopla that goes into getting a family properly costumed worth it.

who really trick or treats anymore anyway? i, for one, think that trunk or treats rival the internet in terms of greatest inventions in our time... that and duct tape (more on that later). for those who don't know what a trunk or treat is, i think mormons invented it (if al gore can claim ownership of the internet, i can declare mormon ownership of trunk or treats on behalf of the church. it's about time we started getting paid some royalties on them, too)... trunk or treats are when all the mormons in town circle their wagons (and by wagons, i mean vehicles) in a church parking lot, open the trunks up and go around from car to car trick or treating. why do i love trunk or treats? the ease and proximity in which a parent can conduct perfectly acceptable halloween activities among a crowd of people i generally trust... even considering some of the costumes some parents wear or let their kids wear, is unparalleled.

back to the costumes. included herein are some pics of the myriad events during which the coopfive have donned their halloween best. while i think we had a good group thing going last year with the bat family action, i think that on an individual level this has been the family's best costume year yet (with the exception of me). allow me to comment on each member's costume:

colston (aka, batbaby, chewbacca, or whatever hand-me-down costume we can get him to wear): colston has been favoring his batbaby costume from last year. real original, c-town? hey, if i don't have to buy a new costume, then i won't... so, cut the kid some slack... he's just trying to save the family some money. plus, he still pulls off the batbaby role splendidly. mrs. blogmaster and i are partial to the chewbacca costume (what's not to love about a little ewok/chewbacca/beeker from the muppets looking costume on a 2.5 year old with edible cheeks and a pot belly?), unfortunately his desire to wear something his parents want him to wear is inverse to our desire for him to wear it. thus, it's not happening.

as you can see, he doesn't like to wear the mask over his face. obviously, he doesn't understand the importance of secret identities. he'll learn. hopefully not the hard way. you'll notice the splotchy black hair coloring administered to colston, unbeknownst to aim, by caleb. once the younger two saw that james got some dark hair for his costume, they all had to have it. i didn't think it would be appropriate for work, so i sat that one out. at any rate, i think we have a budding hairstylist in the family.

caleb (aka, ninja): caleb went safe with a hand-me-down ninja outfit that jameson used a few years back (so far i'm 2 for 2 on not having to buy new costumes). it's classic. no little boy can go wrong with a ninja get-up even if it looks like you're doing the robo-cop in your ninja-posed pictures (see cabe's pics) or like you're popping and locking when dong the same at school (see jameson's classmates'pics). it's understandable seeing as how being a ninja is, like dancing, an art, so the parallels between it and dancing are well founded (see crouching tiger, hidden dragon... those guys looked like they were dancing when they were fighting... although, they weren't technically ninjas, but neither are jedi or samurai and they're all pretty much the same. believe me, i know as i can roam from circle to circle of each clique of deft fighting assassin without drawing attention to myself, thus, they are close enough in overstyle and purpose to confuse the untrained layman's eyes, but they don't fool me... i fool them).

jameson (aka, nightwing): who's nightwing? for those who aren't familiar with the dc comic universe or a little dynamic duo known as batman and robin, nightwing is robin as an adult. once robin got tired of being batman's sidekick, he hung up the red tights for some black ones and started flying han solo. jameson wanted to pull off the nightwing costume this year, thing is nightwing's not incredibly popular as evidenced by 99.9% of my your reactions to the aforementioned question. sounds like a job for mr. blogmaster and some duct tape. no prolema. all we needed was a batman begins costume from last year, some blue duct tape, black make-up, black gloves, black hairspray, some vacuum hose tubes and a semi-professional blogger who can also gerrymander kids' costumes into their fondest dreams at the last minute: check, check, check, check, check, check, check and super check.

the j-man and i spent some time wednesday night putting the nightwing costume together using some blue duct tape from my favorite store (wal-mart) and i'd have to say it turned out alright. luckily, mrs. blogamster had purchased some black hairspray and had some make-up stuff on hand, so we got it all together thursday morning and just like that, jameson thought he was the coolest kid around with the coolest dad in town (his words, not mine: i'm so lucky to have you as a dad. if i didn't have you as a dad, i wouldn't even know who nightwing is). all sons should be so lucky as to have a dad who will teach the all about comic book characters. i'm getting a lump in my throat just typing that up. i think we have a "family, it's about time" commercial in the works. let this be a lesson to all parents: teach your kids about nightwing or another equally cool superhero and acquaint yourself with the many acceptable uses of multi-colored duct tape.

apparently, jameson showed up to school with the watermelon brain mrs. blogmaster prepared (which is pretty rad in its own right) and while floating on cloud nine down the hall in his nightwing costume, thinking it was drawing the attention of every eyeball in school, someone said "wow, that's awesome!" jameson, not even considering for a second that the person could be referring to anything other than his costume, replied in a flattered tone "why, thank you." to which the same person asked, "is is edible?" befuddled, jameson quizzically questioned in his mind, "what?" alas, the lightning lad figured out that the spectator was speaking of the watermelon brain and not the stellar nightwing costume (maybe you were so stealth he didn't see anything other than a floating watermelon brain... why else would he not comment on the costume? this is the only logical conclusion. the costume is more effective than i ever imagined it would be). no worries, son, he's obviously an untrained layman.

update on the blogmaster having to buy costumes for kids: still at zero costumes bought, unless you count the duct tape.

the blogmaster (aka, peter pan): yes, i did. i gave in and dressed up as the boy who didn't want to grow-up. not too hard to pull off the character, but i wasn't about to pull on the tights. my costume was fairly weak (as you'll see from the pics). no amount of duct tape could help me in this situation. in fact, upon showing up to a party in all my peter pan glory, most people didn't know who i was. luckily, mrs. blogmaster gave me some artistic license in putting together my ensemble and i pushed that license to the fullest extent of the law. someone even asked if i was justin timberlake... that's more offensive to me than being called peter pan. someone liked the urban twist i added to the traditionally feminine garb that adorns the pan man, see the fedora. fact is, i'm trying to juice up some street cred for the blog... you should see the tats i'm considering... so it wasn't all for a lost cause. here's the thing, someone at the party told me i was the smartest person there because i had the most comfortable costume in the place (no wigs, no wings, no spandex and exposed body parts). he was right: i was the smartest person there even if not the best dressed.

mrs. blogmaster (aka, tinker bell). she pulled it off and she pulled it off well. from the eyelashes down to the wings to the fish net tights and cool looking shoes. it wasn't easy though, and was almost very expensive. trying to find a modest tinker bell dress (or any adult dress in this town for halloween for that matter) is no simple task. in fact it's pretty much impossible, so thank goodness for shade shirts and leggings. personally, i'm not a fan of leggings. shade shirts, on the other hand were an invention i came up with three years before they were actually invented... if i'd only had the funding and a sewing machine in college (seriously, mrs. blogmaster will vouch for me)!

aim checked all her favorites while looking for a tinker bell dress (nordstrom rack, tj maxx, ross dress for less and marshalls) and even some costume stores with no luck. everything was too much money, too immodest, or just didn't work... that is everything was like that until aim saved the day during a one last try trip to ross dress for less. it was there that a little green number (a perfect tinker bell green, i might add) hung on the rack with a light beaming down as if it were excalibur itself stuck in a stone in camelot. it wasn't modest, of course, but nothing a shade shirt couldn't remedy... and the length was sufficient to eliminate a need for leggings. aim tried it on right then and there in the store aisle and ding, ding, ding... we had a winner.

now take it off and let's go. problem is, it was stuck on aim... in the aisle of ross dress for less... on top of her non-fairy street clothes. she couldn't get it off. maybe it really is the dress version of excalibur? maybe it's the busted zipper. never fear, zombies, we got it off and the busted zipper led to mrs. blogmaster haggling the ross dress for even lesser cashier down to $5. that's right, my friends, a silk dress for $5. unfortunately, we still had to buy tights, wings and eyelashes. no biggie. it was worth the enchantress we ended up with. again, i had fun snapping some shots of my muse and editing them here and there on photoshop for your viewing pleasure.

in summary: we have had fun dressing up for haloween and getting the costumes ready (especially since we didn't really have to buy much in the way of costumes). things is, all hallows eve isn't until tomorrow, so there may still be some more pics coming (don't say i didn't warn you). and i can't leave out the pics of the pumpkin carving night we had on sunday complete with the boys and their halloween pjs compliments of special k. i am especially proud of caleb's dragon jack'o'lantern carved from a very uniquely shaped pumpkin that cabes picked out himself several weeks ago at the provo farmers market. enjoy.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

this is halloween: from roadshow drama queens to salem witch hunts

let's start with the housekeeping...

birthday wishes are in order... first, my mother, the enigmatic special k, celebrated a birthday the other day. i tried to call her a few times the day of, but she was always on the phone chatting it up with someone else. special k has been somewhat of a mini-celebrity ever since she pulled off her most recent roadshow production with flying colors. i was in attendance opening night, and i must admit, it was rather smashing. i was prepared to write it off as a trite rip-off of the earlier version of the exact same roadshow she wrote and directed when i was in high school: the garden of eden, but to my pleasant surprise i was thoroughly and genuinely entertained.

as i have mentioned before, jeff, my brother from the same mother, had a starring role in the original version of the garden of eden as adam (he was a star) and faithful zombie, megan did as well... as did her brother, my sister, and mr. blogmaster himself. all of the formerly mentioned individuals had pretty big rolls (lettty lettuce, calvin corn, satan's mistress) but i was relegated to cornstalk boy 3. no biggie, i had good self-esteem so i wasn't put out by it. at any rate, we put on a pretty good show, not to mention there were some untouchable acts (chad k's role as serpentino is a classic), but i would have to say that this newer version of the same show was just as good if not better (including the serpentino rol,l believe it or not). one thing for certain is that the costumes were unbelievably good and the overall level of acting and singing talent was head and shoulders above that of my generation.

bottom line: kenna pulled it off and just in time for her birthday. so, cheers to you, dear mother, for yet again dawning the coveted crown of roadshow drama queen: you and your grip of grapes hairpiece deserve it. oh, and happy birthday.

next, my good friend johnny miller just got older, as well. he was the one who i wrote about last year when i recounted the story of the bee stinging his lip and it subsequently swelling up to roughly the size of a small baby whale. he used to frequent the blog, but i haven't heard from him in a while. i hope he's still alive. at any rate, i still felt i should wish him a happy b-day since he is one of my closest and oldest friends. if you ever meet him, ask him about the green tie.

moving along...

all hallow's eve is here and that means that a few witches may be coming out of the woodworks every now and again. aim dressed up as a witch the other night for a witch's tea event (a very cool one i might add) she attended and she just about had me ready to enroll at hogwarts she looked so enchanting. i couldn't resist grabbing a few photos of her and then messing around with them on photoshop before posting them here so you could see what i'm talking about.

here's the thing with witches... like i noted above, i'm somewhat of a sucker for the supernatural. i love the hollywood tower of terror at disneyland. it's essentially the big shot here in vegas but it has a way cooler twilight zone back story which separates it from all the other similar type rides. we used to fly into new orleans often and the airport there would have signs advertising haunted mansion tours and i'd be lying if i said they didn't intrigue me. x-files, the bermuda triangle, ghostbusters, these things all appeal to my basic interests. maybe that makes me a geek or maybe that just means the veil is thin with me. you decide.

regardless of my musings on my draw to the existential, the one thing i will never live down in the hallowed halls of cooperdom is the family excursio to salem.

many of you should know what salem, ma, was all about. for those who don't, it's where the term "witch hunt" came from (i'm pretty sure): some accused witches accused other people of being witches all in an attempt to save their own necks (no, i'm not making any political commentary here except for the fact that i kind of am just by saying this). anyway, it was a pretty big deal since some innocent people died and some of the witches didn't and witchcraft was apparently alive and well during good old puritanical america.

why do i bring this up? well, one because i had to tie in some humorous story to this post that had to do with witches and, two, because it just so happens that the greater cooper family made a daytrip to salem on the tail end of our massachusetts trip a few years back.

the fact that we went to salem in and of itself wasn't that big of deal; however, when you consider that we were faced with the option of going to cape cod or salem for the day and we chose salem over the former, a whole new perspective enters into the picture. and then when you factor in the fact that i lobbied heavily for salem and was pretty much the catalyst behind the trip, then you will understand why this particular event is so near and dear to my heart.

why all the hate for salem you ask? for starters, it's no cape cod... in fact, it's not even a poor man's cape cod. it's more like an unemployed goth high school drama geek's cape cod which makes sense seeing as how the town is completely populated by said individuals. seriously, it's like the place where all high school drama goth geeks go to die... or play dungeons and dragons or something similar.

in all fairness, it should be noted that salem is not completely devoid of value... for instance, if you are interested in low budget pirate museums and shock value (but missing the shock) salem witch trial reenactment theaters all run by the likes of tobias fundke wannabes (yes, i have mentioned tobias in two straight posts now. if you do not know who he is, google is your friend and will shed tremendous light on the reference... use it), then salem is the place for you. if you like to color your hair black, dark purple, dark blue or dark green, paint your face white, use way too much mascara, call yourself azriel or some crazy like-sounding name all while listening to joy division ad nauseam, then salem is your middle earth.

on the other hand, if you're a bunch of mormons with a bunch of little kids who get freaked out at the sight of people wandering around town who look like the predator creature from the movies, then salem is probably not the best spot for a little holiday (i don't think the amateur actors appreciated the kids not paying them their due respect when reciting the well-rehearsed lines during the tours)... then again, cape cod probably isn't either. oh well, salem was an experience.

and while my family still gives me a hard time over salem, it has provided for oodles of laughs over the years and was a bonding moment for the cooper clan (literally, we had to fix a fence post the kids broke outside some caldron gift shop while waiting for big j to get off the phone with his office). besides, cape cod would have just made us think we were the arrested development version of the kennedys which is really saying something considering the kennedy family's degree of disfunction... and where's the fun in that?

all i'm saying is why couldn't more of the witches in salem looked something like the pics below. then being a witch back in the day wouldn't have been such a bad or at least our recent trip there would have been much more enjoyable.

note to zombies: i made mrs. blogmaster pose for most of these... she's really not that into herself. in fact, she's not very comfortable with all these pics of her on the blog, but i making an executive decision and leaving them up.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

'tis the season for loose bowels: h1n1 is upon us

it's the most wonderful time of the year... that time of year that all parents with young children look forward to from the time the winter snows melt away and the cool fall air starts to make itself known. yes, it's flu season and not just any flu season, this flu season is special: it's the h1n1 flu season... or, swine flu season, as it has also been called by those noble arbiters of all pure, unadulterated and factually sound truth: the media (just ask rush limbaugh).

swine flu... yet another problem caused by the bush administration and inherited by the obamas. thankfully, in his graciousness, king barry has condescended from on high to provide us with a vaccination rumored to have been forged with the very sweat that dripped from his body as he campaigned for the olympics while in europe, the subsequent tears he shed upon learning that the politics in south america are actually more corrupt than those of chicago, and the very saliva that left his mouth as he spewed the rhetoric that the world deemed sufficient to merit something as seemingly meritless as a consolation, er, nobel prize. we are truly blessed.

i digress.

flu season is always fun because it means lots of vomiting, diarrhea, fevers, aches and pains. the vomiting is especially fun if your kid has particularly bad aim at 1 in the morning and seems to have been able to hit every spot in the bathroom while up-chucking except the one he was supposed to hit: the toilet. nothing beats cleaning up chunks of top ramen mixed with other half-digested goodies off the bathroom floor and walls amidst the pervading stench of stomach acid early in the am. not that that's ever happened to me.

then there's the loose bowel stuff. usually this isn't as tough to clean up as long as the perpetrator wasn't naked at the time control was lost, but it still can make for a bit of a mess. being a father of children, i empathize with anyone who has had to clean up something that was once inside someone else. generally, loose bowel movement struggles is a problem that exists almost exclusively among kids, incompetent old people, and missionaries serving in south america (luckily, they have diapers for two out of these three. note to self: look into creating a diaper especially designed for south american missionaries complete with extra padding to make for a more comfortable bike ride... genius).

at least that's what i used to think up until, as i have recently learned, there are exceptions to this general rule of loose bowel movement exclusivity. i have two stories related to me firsthand by two adults. if you are too mature for potty humor, then you probably gave up reading the blog long ago. however, if you happen to be reading the blog on a whim today and don't want to get mixed up in my juvenile antics, then this would be the appropriate place to quit reading. on the other hand, if you are honest about finding potty humor funny, read on.

the names and certain revealing facts of the following accounts have been withheld or altered to protect the innocent.

the first took place not long ago while a married couple traveled to an undisclosed location to attend the wedding ceremony of a friend. the couple decided to make a vacation of the trip and, as such, stayed at a nice hotel and did some fancy nancy fine dining the night before the ceremony. apparently, the gourmet meal they ordered didn't sit so well with one of them and, as a result, much time was spent on or rushing to the porcelain throne in the hotel room. the afflicted individual, fearing she would not be able to sit through the wedding ceremony or make it to a restroom in time if certain urges began to rumble from within and not wanting to miss the ceremony for the world, decided the only logical solution would be to buy some adult diapers (depends) to wear throughout the proceeding. so, she did and she did. luckily, this individual did not have to test the absorptive qualities of her new underwear, but at least she was prepared to in case she did.

i thought that was a pretty funny story. i thought it was even funnier that the person was willing to share it with mrs. blogmaster and me. but, this next one takes the cake. this person even told me that he didn't mind if i used his name, but it's so embarrassing that even i am not comfortable sharing that information.

i have a friend...

who was at work one day struggling with the runs. if memory serves, said friend was at his desk fighting back certain pressures with the strength of a million suns when a miscommunication between his brain and his body took place: what he thought was going to be a simple, and hopefully subtle release of gaseous pressure was actually accompanied by a certain type of matter having a consistency that was only slightly more dense than water (i believe the technical term is "shart"). unfortunately, my friend did not incorporate the practice of the latter individual by strapping on a set of depends beforehand and, thus, the pungent odor that was likely prevailing at that point along with the uncomfortable squishiness he had to have been feeling in his drawers was not something he could just take care of with a few wet wipes and a diaper genie. no, this would require true industry and, as you'll see, a bit of agility.

thus, rather than inconspicuously excusing himself from the workplace and making the drive home to change clothes and freshen up a little (i think he may have been stuck at work without a car and unable to get a hold of his wife), my friend made his way to the workplace restroom and set-up shop in one of the stalls to work things out. it was there he took a seat to think things over and decided that the first step needed to involve removing his underpants. good call... makes sense to me. remove the problem, discard the evidence and go commando the rest of the day (note to zombies: remind me to share my mt. vernon experience someday).

alas, such a course of action was not to take place on this day. not on his watch.

apparently, my friend was either particularly attached to his drawers or had some form of never-nude syndrome a la tobias fundke and decided it was imperative that he retain the companionship of his 100% cotton underpants. that being the case, the individual did what any reasonable person would do in the same situation and simulated a wash and rinse cycle right there in the convenience of the very toilet of his own personal stall.

it doesn't stop there though, zombies... for it is essential to understand that my friend, being the self-conscious individual he is, felt that he couldn't just turn around, lean over and wash the article of clothing in the toilet because someone might notice his feet under the lower visible clearing of the stall and wonder what the h#$! was going on in there (ie, why is some guy turned around facing the toilet in his stall? that's unheard of). and after all, i, for one, examine the placement of everyone's feet in their respective stalls upon entering a public restroom, so i'll concede that this was a valid concern of his.

thus, given his current predicament, our friend (i feel like we are all friends with my friend at this point) was left with only one logical course of action... at least in his mind. as such, he did what he had to do and completely disrobed from the waist down while leaving his shoes, socks and pants strategically placed on the floor in such a way that it appear to everyone in the bathroom who might take a gander at the lower section of his stall that he was still sitting, face forward, on the throne rather than turned around and washing his poopy drawers... nothing strange going on in there, since, if i happen to be checking, it's much less likely for me, as a third party in a bathroom inspecting the stalls, to notice a lump of pants and socks on top of some shoes on the floor of a stall minus any legs connected to them (keep reading) than someone turned around and facing the toilet.

here's the good part...

once he'd removed half his wardrobe, our friend carefully positioned himself on top of the toilet by balancing his feet on both sides of the toilet bowl so he could squat down in all his glory... without any pants mind you... to wash and rinse his undergarments in the toilet below. picture this, but not too graphically: someone from an aerobics video doing thigh squats on a toilet seat without pants on washing an article of clothing in the bowl below. sounds about right. don't judge. you and i would have done the same if faced with a similar situation.

i must admit, i am impressed with the individual's balance and the fact that he didn't slip and lose a foot in the bowl. talk about from bad to worse. so, kudos to you, my friend.

if i hadn't heard this story right from the horse's mouth, i wouldn't believe it. i'm sure you are all full of questions as was i, so let me help you out... don't ask why, just accept it. if you'd like more details, post a comment and i'll pass it along to my friend, but here is the faq section for those questions i anticipate will result upon reading this:

does this person use drugs or drink during work hours?

no, he never has, nor will he ever.

did this person's pants get all wet when he put his underwear back on?

can't remember. i think the mess was relatively small, thus, the soaking factor was minimal. for all i know he snuck out in between public restroom patrons and held the underpants up against one of those air dryers that are commonly found in public restrooms to dry them off. i wouldn't put anything past this guy at this point.

actually, aim reminded me that he rang them out right there over the toilet. i hope he washed his hands.

did his wife leave him after hearing the story?

no. she married this individual knowing loose bowels would be an issue they would struggle with throughout their marriage. talk about true love.

does this person have no shame?

debatable. just kidding, he is a very proud person (in a good way) and upon meeting him on the street you would never expect that he would be capable of such a thing, but after spending some time with him in third world countries you would realize this is right up his alley.

why didn't he just leave his underwear in the bathroom garbage?

your guess is as good as mine.

we'll leave it at that, my zombies. just keep these things in mind this flu season when forced to clean up human excrement from one of your kids and just be glad it's one of your kids and not your spouse.

happy flu season.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

dragons and boats and excessive kissing, oh my, oh my

this past weekend was a bit of a blur as you'll see in some of the pics i have posted. part of that is because a lot happened in a short amount of time. the other reason is that the camera used to take the pictures is kind of dirty, hence the blurry pics. a small part of it is also because of an editing feature i use to inject a little more action into a still shot.

friday was pretty normal. not much to report. saturday was eventful.

for starters, we did some cleaning. cleaning on a saturday morning is always fun and full of excitement. i took caleb's training wheels off of his bike and tried to get him going on two wheels. no such luck, but we'll keep trying. around noon we had to hustle out the door to get to lake las vegas for the dragon boat race i had been training for and by training i mean that i attended two practices. but, this was a charitable/business networking thing, so our lives didn't depend on it... but maybe the lives of the women suffering from breast cancer whose cause we were supporting did. i guess i should have trained harder.

on the way to the boat race, aim hears that the renaissance fair is happening that very day and expresses disappointment in not being able to attend. i'm not sure why, because that's not really her crowd, nor mine... of course i wouldn't admit it even if it were my crowd. apparently, mrs. blogmaster wanted to get some fairy wings for the tinker bell costume she is conjuring up. as a reminder, i am being cajoled into dressing up as peter pan for all hollow's eve. i negotiated my way out of the green tights and was given limited rights to contribute to the wardrobe, so the peter pan get up may have some redeeming features to it after all. the boys have reluctantly agreed to dress up as the wild boys, or is it lost boys?

now that i think about it, aim may be trying to tell us... and the rest of the world for that matter... something about the men in her life. first, she's married to a guy that never wants to grow up and, secondly, she has given birth to a pack of ravenous wild/lost boys (no clever commentary necessary here, it is what it is).

maybe there's some truth to that and by some i mean a lot, but then that takes the fun out of getting all dressed up for halloween: you're supposed to be someone other than yourself. maybe i will have to wear the tights after all. as a matter of fact, aim is out doing some costume shopping as we speak and she has been gone much longer than our credit card can afford (it's rough being a semi-professional blogger these days).

back to the renaissance fair.

we went a few years a go with my sister kathryn and her family. she was in heaven, or rather a magical kingdom filled with elven tribes, royal families and 99% of las vegas' very likely to remain single till the day they die population. kathryn was entranced by the merriment taking place around her and most certainly fell in love with every set of fairy wings that passed her by. perhaps she was hearkening back to her madrigal days in high school when she and a merry band of her choir singing cohorts would get together dressed in their finest renaissance themed garb and sing for the fair ladies and gentlemen of las vegas. cooperfive fun fact: my sister, kathryn, and faithful zombie, megan's, brother were part of the same madrigal clan. no wonder megan loves the blog.

back to the race.

we get to lake las vegas ready to throw the paddle down only to find out the race is running an hour behind. that being the case, we go order some food from a frothy little cafe that can't handle all the business it's getting. we wait like an hour to get our order and i bite into my salmon blt only to discover that the salmon is raw. i figure that meat doesn't get cooked in posh places like this and finish eating the sandwich anyway. i'm still not so sure about that.

as we wait for our turn, one of the boats sinks which is crazy because they seem unsinkable. good thing i'm a strong swimmer. we start talking confidently about winning. we get all ideological about dragon boat racing and promoting peace through our paddling. we give speeches and hand out ipods to attendees with our speeches on them. we spewed fine rhetoric about changing the dragon boat racing world in spite of our having done very little in this arena.

finally, it's our turn for the first race and we lose in glorious fashion. some people are surprised but i'm not one of them seeing as how we had three practices and never had more than 60% of the team present at one of them. plus, most of the competing teams seemed to have done this before.

we wait around for our next race and the kids find the arts and crafts table and go to town. i take off for my second race and get taken to town again. actually, we were leading that one for the first 1/2 and then fell out of sync. as we were walking away the ehmcee surprisingly announces that we have won the entire race. shocked and befuddled, we turned around to collect our prize only to discover that it had been awarded to us based on our promise as dragon boat racers and not necessarily because of anything we had done (because we had done very little, actually).

apparently, we had done such a good job of verbally promoting our cause before the races even started that the dragon boat racing committee unanimously agreed that we had done enough to merit the grand prize in spite of our not really having proven anything. i guess the other people who had actually practiced hard and won their races just weren't popular enough... and who actually gets anything based on merit anymore anyway when there are so many better and less probative ways to award things that were traditionally based on merit?

as such, we reluctantly accepted our prize in spite of what we felt to be a weak justification only because it was a local boat race and not the nobel prize or anything big and important like that.

finally, we finish up and i discover the boys have had their faces painted by arguably the best face painter i have ever come across. i'm pretty impressed with the product until i find out how much it cost. it wasn't too bad, but i thought this was a charitable event. i was giving my paddling services away for free... i would have drafted a blog post for free, couldn't the face painter have chipped in his face painting services for a song? apparently, not.

it was then time to go so we hopped in the car to race home so aim and i could get changed and head to the byu unlv game compliments of blog zombie j dob who gave us some sweet tickets. we headed over to the game with j dob and had a very enjoyable and relaxing evening watching the cougs cruise to an easy win.

as we sat and watched the game, aim became increasingly distracted by the couple in front of us who felt it incumbent upon themselves to profusely make-out for seemingly any reason for extended periods of time throughout the game. this was pretty heavy kissing, too, not just the run of the mill amorous open mouth stuff. i didn't have a difficult time ignoring it, but it was like a train wreck for mrs. blogmaster... she had to look in spite of the disaster. in fact, she started counting the number of times this took place and made it point to tap my leg whenever said kissing occurred just so i would have to witness the debacle. thanks, babe, for just ruining unga's nice run.

note to zombies: this couple was in the row directly in front of us and right in front of aim. these were tight quarters, so much so that a couple of times i thought the guys was going to effortlessly turn his head and try to kiss aim at the same time.

i encouraged her to ignore the love fest taking place before her and enjoy the thrashing taking place on the field. like i said, i wasn't all that bothered by things until aim mentioned that the egregious abuse of pda was driving her to the point where she never wanted to kiss anyone again.

houston, we have a problem.

luckily, the tongue dueling duo took off when they saw absolutely no hope for the rebs (after about 1 quarter) and likely stopped at a motel 8 on their way back home. as i've said before: all's well that ends well... aim's faith in making out had been restored and we enjoyed the remainder of the game making out every time the cougs got a first down... although, i don't think aim kissed me goodnight that night.

aim says i should stop here because the post is too long, so i will. until next time, my friends. in the meantime, go have a fierce make-out session with someone in public but make sure the other person consents to the kissing beforehand.

iinitiate the blog

iinitiate the blog