documentary review: trekkies

one of my other new year's resolutions was to watch at least one documentary each month (like i said, aiming high with the annual goals). ever since i recently watched new york doll, which i also highly recommend, i have been on a documentary kick. that documentary is about a pioneer punk rocker turned mormon. the story is fabulous and the special features an acoustic version of "a poor wayfaring man of grief" performed by his former frontman is pretty dope:



but, that's neither here not there seeing as how the first installment of my documentary series was trekkies. as you can guess, trekkies is about obsessed star trek fans. actually, "obsessed" is being too kind, these guys are actually certifiable whack-jobs who need a serious intervention in their lives. nevertheless, chronicling the happenings of their sweet spirits is not only interesting, but amusing.

i've never been a trekkie myself, but because i like star wars quite a bit it is not uncommon for people to assume i also like star trek or that trekkies and star wars fans are one in the same. not so, my friends... nothing could be further from the truth. i'll admit that i really liked the new star trek movie, the wrath of khan was great (they put bugs down the dudes' ears for crying out loud) and that even aim was down with one star trek movie we watched about the borg, but that does not make me, or mrs. blogmaster, trekkie material. far from it, to say the least.

and if there is any doubt about that, this movie makes any such misperception abundantly clear that such is not the case. check the trailer.

overall, the show wasn't what i hoped it would be, but there were some choice lines that definitely made the 86 minutes worth it. i can't repeat them here because doing so without putting them in their proper context would not do them justice. as such, i recommend that you watch this show with a light heart and with some friends you like to laugh with just to hear those lines. and if that's not sufficient incentive, if for nothing else you should watch this show to take note of the warning signs that may tip you off to a child's involvement with the star trek universe. mothers, don't let your babies grow up to be trekkies... at least not the freakishly extreme kind of trekkies like the ones detailed in the documentary.

for those of you who are not good enough parents to watch the show, i have summarized some warning signs for you to look out for, not only your sake, but the sake of your children and any hope you might have of your child ever meeting a member of the opposite sex and creating a child of his/her own.

1. intergalactic army space patches for some alien nation, people or planet you have never heard of. if your child starts asking you to iron these on his/her clothes, iron them directly on to his or her back as a lesson of what's to come if they keep watching star trek.

2. phaser beam guns or communicator devices held in holsters on their belt that they are willing to wear in public after the age of 6. what in the name of all that is holy.

3. a "klingon language for dummies or doghs (that's klingon for fools)" book. they have a written language for not only a fictional people but a fictional alien people hellbent on violence and with massive foreheads that look like brains... need i say more?

4. dungeons and dragons books... d and d is a gateway drug to the highly addictive and highly dorky universe of all things fantasy and science fiction. i admit, that fantasy and science fiction are great in moderation, but when taken to an extreme they can spell the ultimate ruination for many a poor and unfortunate soul. either that or these same individuals become really good computer programmers, start a .com company and make billions of dollars before they turn 25. even then, no amount of filthy lucre can quell the severe degree of scrutiny they'll go through during those ever so tender early adolescent years.... oh well, to each his own.

that is all i have time for tonight, zombies. stay tuned for february's documentary review (okie noodling). you're in for a treat.

pedicure part 2

some of you may recall a previous post i authored in which i detailed my first experience with receiving a pedicure. only the hardcorest of zombies will note that said post took place almost a year ago to the day during an attorneys' retreat to newport beach. yes, for those who have done the math, we just had our annual attorneys' retreat in newport again and, yes, i was fortunate enough to get another pedicure... but that's not all.

first, i stand by my previous assessment that pedicures are a wonderful thing and the fact that i enjoy them says nothing about my unquestionable masculinity. second, even though i have not had a pedicure since i first had one a year ago, i have been long looking forward to the newport trip so i could receive my second. finally that day came and after a bruising battle of a football game on the beach and a rain soaked biking expedition to balboa island, my esteemed male colleagues and i made our way to the local albertson's shopping center pedicure chop shop for some self-pampering.

the five of us who were secure enough with our masculinity to embark on such an endeavor entered the nail salon and were immediately greeted by a score of vietnamese women who showed us to our chairs and commenced chiseling away at the roughshod on our feet. but that wasn't all, one of the ladies asked if i wanted a neck and shoulder massage. is the pope catholic? let's do it.

next thing i knew, though, was that she was asking me in broken english to lift up my shirt. huh? then the next thing i knew is that she was not only asking me to lift up my shirt, but to remove it. huh? then the next next thing i knew was that my boss and another colleague of mine had already peeled their shirts off and were getting the rub down. so, if all your friends jump off a bridge, should you jump off the bridge, too? absolutely... if it means getting a massage. off went the shirt and on went the massage oil.

let me be clear... we weren't in private rooms tearing off our tops and getting massaged, we were in the main area of the entryway to the salon whose whole front wall was a window to a fairly busy shopping center parking lot in broad daylight. oh, and i was the one closest to the window... surprisingly, i didn't care. i guess it was the super relaxing massage i was getting that calmed my nerves and tamed my apprehensions.

in addition, there was an older lady sitting next to me and then on the other side of her were my boss and co-worker. when the tops came off and she was surrounded by some not so strapping fleshy males, she was all of a sudden smiling in a laughing at us and not with us kind of way. but, as noted above, i couldn't have cared less although it was kind of awkward... and i'm sure that anyone who might have waked in at that moment would have been beholden to quite the site. you come in, thinking you'll enjoy a people magazine, an episode of harpo the she-devil, or private viatnamese language lessons and the first thing you see is three pale white guys whose better days in terms of being in physical shape are well behind them not only sitting in your starship enterprise chair but getting a combination pedicure/massage. like i said, quite a site in that it's not quite the site you were expecting. feel free to take your patronage elsewhere.

all i'm saying is, don't hate me because i've got finely trimmed, filed, waxed, and buffed toe nails. hate me because i not only have finely trimmed, filed, waxed, and buffed toe nails, but because i've also got finely trimmed, filed, waxed, and buffed finger nails... oh, and did i mention i got all that done simultaneously with a massage. to say the least, these ladies were master salespeople. every five minutes they were asking me if i wanted something more, all while being under the influence of nail polish fumes, massage oil and the massage itself... i didn't know what to say. actually, i just kept pointing to my boss and saying, "whatever he's getting." and, of course, he was getting whatever they were proposing... at least according to them he was.

and that was just the pedicure. the rest of newport was great, too... but that's a story for another day.