Sunday, May 3, 2009

the cooper five's week in review

some weeks i have to pull something out of nowhere to blog about. yes, i know it's a gift to go on bloviating like i do, but some weeks things just happen that are meant to be put on the internet for all the world to read. the posts relating to these types of weeks generally have a little more substance to them. this last week was one such week. prepare to be edified and uplifted.

jameson gets published and finds his sandwich

jameson's name in print arrived earlier this week, or maybe it was last. kudos to our boy... he has now done something at the tender age of nine that it has only taken me thirty-three years to accomplish: jamebo got published. not bad for the cooper five's version of ol' bill shakespear minus the flaming renaissance garb and the sweet pointy zorro stache.

i'm not jealous.... it's an accomplishment. boy wonder published before he learned to tie his shoes, he's a prodigy, a maravilla, ingenious! but, hey, let's not get carried away... i mean it's not like the kid's a semi-professional blogger or anything.

moreover, this just goes to the show that the affable lad may yet have a tinge of his dad in him. so, here it is appearing for the first time ever on the world wide web (i'm probably committing some kind of copyright violation here... but, those are the kinds of things that jameson has to look out for now that he's a big time, published author. i wonder what that's like).

the huggable, kissable, baby

the huggable, kissable baby is the
funiest baby
you've ever seen
he can be hugged at any time.
he is so cute
you will not believe your eyes.
he is so cute, you will love him so much.
he will do the most
funniest things you've ever seen.
you will love him right before
your eyes.
he's the most huggable,
kissable baby.
if you squeeze him, he will laugh.
he is so ticklish.
he is so cute.
you won't believe your eyes.
he's really funny when he's asleep.
(reprinted with author's permission as originally published in a celebration of poets. lower case added.)

jameson finds his sandwich

a couple days a go aimee was unpacking jameson's lunch bag after a long day at school only to find that he hadn't eaten his sandwich. as a mom, that can be frustrating on at least two levels (so, i'm told): for starters, is his mom's sandwich not good enough for him? secondly, the kid's always starving when he gets home... go figure.

anyway, the funny thing is that when aim asked him why he didn't eat his sandwich, he replied:

"i couldn't find it." and he didn't mean the lunch bag, he meant he couldn't find the sandwich within the lunch bag. i can't help but laugh again upon typing it. what makes it even more funny is that he was dead serious.

he followed up by asking in a very sincere, yet quizzical tone, "i mean, where did you put it (the sandwich), was it on the side or the bottom or something??? because, i couldn't see it (again, completely serious)." i laughed out loud some more. that was the funniest thing i'd heard in a while.

seriously, we're talking about a very normal and very open batman lunch bag... no secret zippers or pockets, no hocus pocus, just one big bag in which it would be virtually impossible to hide a sandwich... as a matter fact, i pointed this out to jameson, declaring, as i stuck my hand in the bag, "it would be impossible to not be able to find a sandwich in this bag."

jameson's reply: "it would be if you were blind."

my reply to jameson's reply: "even then, if you stuck your hand in the bag you would feel it."

sorry, jameson, you may be a poet, but you just lost the sandwich argument and you didn't even know it. actually, you lost the argument because i made it abundantly clear that there is no possible way that any person not incapacitated could not have found that sandwich. law school teaches you strong analytical reasoning skills and how to use triple negatives without getting confused.

caleb recites his scripture

caleb had the scripture again during sharing time in primary. he nailed it, or at least that's what i heard. i had to substitute jameson's class so i missed caleb's recitation of the scripture, but aim said he did really well. we got another video of him practicing which i'll be sure to post soon. way to go, little man.

colston's head is in the 90th percentile

i couldn't leave colston out of this post since that could create sibling rivalry issues of fair treatment someday, so i thought i would let everyone know that colston had his physical about a month ago and he came back as having his weight in the 25th percentile, his height in the 75th percentile and, last but not least, his head came in in the 90th percentile. that's what i call top heavy. he is his father's son. big heads run in the family and, apparently, colston's big melon didn't fall too far from the cooper melon tree.

it's not easy having a big head. most people want one, some are blessed to be born with one. some people flaunt them as if they have no dignity and get artificial head augmentations to make up for a lack of self-esteem. not me, i try to be modest about my big head. i'm still a person. there's more to me than my big head. i would just appreciate it if everyone would stop staring at my head so much... my eyes are up here, people!

jeremy uses aim's deodorant

that's right, i wore women's deodorant the other day... and it's not the first time. does that make me cross dresser? not in the least... clearly not the same thing. besides, i am the one raising all the ruckus when my mom's doing the annual grandkids nativity scene Christmas card picture and she wants to have the newest granddaughter portray baby Jesus in the photo. i'm not sexist or anything, but, i mean, c'mon... do i really need to explain that one?

i digress. i only wear aim's deodorant when mine's all out, which was the case this week. well, mine wasn't actually all gone, but it was in my gym bag which i left in my car for a few days all the way out in the garage. this was problematic for a few reasons:

1) it has been hot this week, especially in my car which means that the deodrant stick likely melted (i still haven't checked) rendering it less effective.

2) my car finds its home in the garage which is a long ways away from my bathroom which is the place where i generally put on my deodorant in the morning. too much effort and too much time to go downstairs just to get melted deodorant.

3) even if the deodarant stick had re-solidified, which it probably did, it probably reformed into stalagmite-like formations that hurt my delicate under armpit areas and don't give me the full coverage i need.

besides, i kind of like smelling all fruity and flowery for a time. it can, however, be a bit distracting as the fumes are somewhat entrancing. i oft times find myself stopping whatever it is i'm doing to focus on enjoying the odor emanating from my armpits. i think aim gets little bugged when i use her deodarant. i don't know if it's because of the little armpit hairs that all of a sudden start showing up on the stick or if it's 'cause she wants to maintain her monopoly of smelling all fruity and flowery. i just wan't to smell good for the sake of those around me, so i try to take care of myself.

aim just told me my posts are too long, so i'll call it a day with that. besides, i need a minute to focus on the perfect blend of my body odor and aim's deodorant.


annieandjustin said...

Congrats Jamebo on a published piece of work! Congrats Aimee for the disappearing sandwich act! Congrats Caleb on nailing the scripture in primary! Congrats Colston for possibly having a bigger head than your dads! Congrats Jeremy for finally admitting you like to be a little fruity!

emcghee said...

The sandwich story hits home and made me laugh--I can totally picture it. And, like Aimee, I too get a little frustrated (for a couple reasons) when whole sandwiches make their way back home. I took the time to make it, now it's wasted, weren't you hungry, etc., etc. Sometimes Coop complains that he doesn't have enough time to eat, other times he comes home saying things like, "can't you put more in my lunch, I'm still hungry!?". . . . . just one of the many things we as Moms struggle with--BUT . . . . . . I have never heard him say that he couldn't find it! (BTW, I liked the triple negative)

Supposedly kids with big heads have a rapidly developing brain, this is a good thing--he'll be smart. Oh, and Ben uses my deodorant when he runs out too. So if you ever start questioning your masculinity because you use your wifes flowery deodorant, you like pedicures, and any of the other "questionable" things start adding up, don't sweat it! (no pun intended)

Nancy said...

sorry to be a pest, but I just wanted to make sure you got my last comment a few posts ago. I'd really love to get in touch with Aimee. My email is

Very funny post by the way.

- Nancy Lamb

the cooper five said...


coslton's got a ways to go before he beats out his dad in the big head category. they don't just give away melons like mine... it takes years and years of a rapidly developing brain to push one's skull to such limits (see emcghee's comment).


glad to hear that coop doesn't always eat his sandwich. i'm also glad that you caught the triple negative remark... it's that type of attention to detail, along with your consistency, that makes you an exemplary poster.

all other posters take note, emcghee is one of the types of posters you should all aspire to be like.

also, i appreciate the comment on big heads and rapid brain development since i, too, have a big head. i can only assume that you came across this fact (it has to be a fact) while researching the effects of really curly hair on a child... so, with that in mind: what types of ancillary benefits are gained from having really curly hair?

lastly, i liked the "sweat" pun whether intended or not. my mother would be proud of you.

iinitiate the blog

iinitiate the blog