open email on graduation ceremonies

Just in case any of you are interested (and who wouldn't be interested in reading about an invitation to someone else's graduation), here is an email I sent out to my family regarding my graduation this weekend. I thought some of you may appreciate it...

Please forward this to any immediate family members missing above that I may have unintentinoally left off the email list. The only person I intentionally left off was Kathryn, but that's beacuse she doesn't have an email address (and I can understand why since getting your own email address is far too expensive these days whatwithall the skyrocketing stamp prices and such!).

All,

Yes, it is true: I will be graduating from 21st grade this Friday. I would like to formally invite any and all of you who would like to attend an event to be held in my honor this Friday at UNLV (there might be a bunch of other people there in caps and gowns and they might even act like the event is for them as well, but the truth is that it is all for me). That was a joke. The upper case letters may have thrown you off.

Seriously, if you would like to come to the graduation ceremonies there is an attachment with some info and some more info below. I haven't read, but I think it says that thre are two graduations: one on Friday in the morning and on on Saturday in the afternoon. If you are going to come, come to the one on Friday. The one on Saturday will be lame and boring (that's not to say that the one on Friday won't be lame and boring, but the one on Saturday is for all of UNLV while the one on Friday is only for the law school). Plus, they won't actually say my name really loud through a microphone and teach me the secret handshake on stage at the one on Saturday.

I expect everyone to be there and I will not except excuses like: "oh, I'm in Utah, I'm nine months pregnant and I might go into labor" or "oh, I'm in Jerusalem and I can't afford to fly back for the weekend." Cry me a river. Jeriann, if you deliver during my graduation, not only would you likely make the evening news, you could name Ruthy after me instead of il Bambino. Tami, if you don't feel that my graduation is important engough to traverse a couple contintents, an ocean and the country, then I might just wear white socks with my suit at your wedding. Bryson, if you're too busy re-telling a patient bad jokes about my mom's food, he will probably actually appreciate it if you leave and spare him the humor (courtesy laughs hurt when there is dental equipment in your mouth).

Seriosuly (this time I mean it when I say "seriously"), don't go out of your way to see this. I am mainly sending this email out because some of you have asked and my self esteem is such that I need to hear all of you congratulate me. It'll be just a bunch of pomp and cirucmstance infused with a grip of academics showing off their sweet looking robes and hats while patting themselves on their high-minded backs. But, if you are looking for something to do, or just feel bad about not ever buying me a suit to wear to prom because all of our money went towards the girls' dresses, here's your chance to make peace with yourself and sound an air-powered blowhorn when they call my name even though they ask you not to. That would mean a lot to me.

Regards,

Jeremy

disclaimer: this email was all in jest except for the part about me graduating and the suit for prom.