the worldwide blogging olympics: me and my speedo man capris

i am typing up this post as i watch michael phelps win his first gold of the olympics in world record fashion. i have decided to hold my own blogger olympics. by all reports, i am the runaway favorite to take the gold for shear length of blog entries. i think i have a good shot. what most people don’t know is that technology is on my side. i have teamed up with the same engineers who designed michael phelps’ man capri speedos and they have designed a similar outfit for me. as such, i am currently typing in my man speedo capris.

i am now typing with aerodynamic motions the likes of which this world has never seen. i am on pace to not only break, but crush, the current world record of blog typing. wish me luck. this is nothing new for me. i am used to winning contests. while studying for the bar with my friends, one of my co-studiers, taylor, and i would hold mini-competitions of strength, endurance and concentration to keep ourselves sane and to reaffirm my physical superiority.

as an example, we would occasionally hold ourselves up on our chairs by the armrests to see who could keep themselves up the longest. i usually smoked taylor in that one, but he always gave a respectable effort. when taylor got tired of losing in that one we decided to take two of our monster-sized bar study books and hold them in our hands while extending our arms out as far as we could to see who could hold them up the longest. this one was tough and funny. i felt the pressure big time as taylor held strong for quite some time... but i guess i just wanted it more in the end. just to be sure the results weren’t rigged, we did it again the next day... different arm. same result.

for our last event, we set up a chair and decided to see if we could jump completely over it with our feet clearing the highest point of the chair (no splits tuff, feet over back rest). looking back on this event, i realize just how dumb it was for us to do it. if either of us had been unsuccessful in clearing the chair our feet would of caught on the top of the chair which would have caused us to fall forward requiring us to use our hands to break our fall. given the speed and height at which we would have been falling, it is likely that the force of contact with the ground would have resulted in a broken hand or wrist. this would not have been good seeing as how the bar was within days at this point and i planned to type all of essay answers for the bar. it would have been very difficult to type with a cast on either hand (or even write for that matter).

but, as dumb as this was, i could not back down since taylor cleared the chair first essentially throwing down the gauntlet. i had to respond. i could not return home in shame to my family that evening. and respond i did... in glorious fashion. the moment was picturesque. somewhere in the background i’m pretty sure i heard “chariots of fire” playing and, just for a second, i think time was altered and i approached the chair in slow motion as i seemingly lifted myself into the air without effort, easily clearing the chair and then some before landing like a butterfly with soar feet (i ripped that last simile from “the legend of bagger vance”). i am certain if any of the librarians were watching, they were clapping and exchanging glances of silent approval. i saw the person studying a few tables down wipe a tear from her eye. our buddy mike was speechless because he knew the significance of what he had just witnessed.

it was a proud day for jeremy cooper. but not nearly as proud as this day and this very moment... for i have kept this blog post under one page and done so in record time. i knew i could do it and i know you can, too. never give up, don’t ever give up... even if these speedo man capris are as uncomfortable on you as they are on me. wicked wedgies.