roadtrips and potty breaks (even i am not above potty humor)

day 3 of the challenge and i am still going strong. first, i must say that the response to my last post has been overwhelming. the latest unofficial count of reader comments i saw came in at somewhere around two (thanks, trav and alex. i knew i could count on at least one dentist and one frenchman to respond and i figured it would be trav for the dentist, but i was hoping it would be jaques chirac for the frenchman... sorry, alex).

i promise to keep this post short (i tell myself that every time i start posting). just a quick addendum to yesterday's post on traveling between nevada and utah: i can't let an opportunity like that pass without getting all nostalgic and hearkening back to the days when all eight members of the jeff and kenna cooper family would pile into the red chevy truck and mosey on up to happy valley. those were days to be remembered.

yes, the truck had something of an extra cab, but it was still only a two door vehicle and like i said eight... yeah, that's right, EIGHT coopers in one vehicle. and mind you, this was at a point in cooper family history when my dad and a certain brother of mine probably counted for a good two or three extra gary coleman sized persons combined. moreover, this wasn't when we were all 8 or 9 years old, i'm talking about dropping jeff, jr. off at the mtc (19 years old). for the uninitiated, lv to provo is a 5 hour trip. illegal aliens have crossed the border in more accomodating circumstances than that.

luckily we travel with a little more room these days, although not much. however, one similarity between the old cooper trips and the jeremy and aimee roadtrips is both my dad and i (and aim, too, now) don't like to stop to for bathroom breaks (just ask my buddy, rob simpson). in fact, i think that is why i can generally go a good 4 or 5 hours without having to stop to use the restroom (unless i am taking the bar), whereas aim has to stop about every other hour. i attribute my jedi-like mind and body control over my bladder to my dad's unwillingness to stop for bathroom breaks. you taught me well, father.

aim must have had a dad that actually stopped so she could use the restroom. our kids won't be as fortunate. unfortunately, they must have inherited their mom's bladder, because they have to go number 1 on the hour... it's like clockwork... you could set your watch to it. jameson is probably the worst, and the funny thing about him is he will go use the restroom to take care of his number one business, exit the restroom, jump in the car and then tell us 20 minutes down the road that he has to go number 2... come on, son, can't we get this done in one sitting?

so, in the spirit of getting to our destination as quickly as possible, we once floated the idea out there that jameson use one of the empty water bottles in the car instead of stopping. we kind of said it half-jokingly (at least aim did), but you would have thought it was christmas morning based on the reaction we got from jameson. his eyes lit up and he was already undoing his seat belt buckle before we were even sure whether we wanted to pursue this course of action or not.

as you can guess, we gave in and let the kid have his wish. it was actually a major time saver and he pulled it off so flawlessly, we have since employed this same technique on more than one occasion, although sparingly overall (we aren't total white trash), and now even caleb loves going tinkles in the bottle. fyi though, if you ever drive anywhere with us, just be careful... that's not lemonade. the tough part is it's usually the kids' favorite part of the trip. our boys are weird like that. for some odd reason they love to urinate and they will do it just about anywhere, in front of anyone and at any time.

generally, when this happens in public, we have no idea what is happening until it is too late. this type of behavior mostly takes place in store parking lots for some reason. for example, there was this one time when we did sanction jameson's hopping out of the car in a store parking lot to go tinkles because i wasn't about to go back home, take the time to find a public restroom, ask for directions, or get out of the car.

so i stopped in a store parking lot and he ran out in between the front of the car and a wall i had pulled up against so he could have a little privacy (not that he cares). as a result, we couldn't see him since the front of the car was taller than he was at the time, but we quickly discovered that he was there as we witnessed a projectile stream of urine, not unlike a fountain at the bellagio, shoot straight up from in front of the car and waved back and forth in the air before making it's way to the wall, resulting in his own little work of street art. we were on our way to the beach that day, but i am pretty sure we could have turned around and gone home at that point and jameson would have been just as happy.

on a side note, i've got to hand it to jameson, the kid has pinpoint precision. i also must admit there was a certain part of me that was proud of my boy, maybe even envious... but whatever.

just for the record: no bottle tinkling on our latest trip here.

this is what i am talking about. this was supposed to be a short post. it definitely was not supposed to deviate into the juvenile realm of potty humor although it seems to be working for me... i would say that is more a commentary on you, the readers, than me, the author: i'm just giving you what you want).

i apologize if i grossed anyone out, but i am desperate for ratings. i've got 28more days of stuff to come up with... you knew potty humor was bound to come up. at any rate, i'm done. i need a bathroom break. ha ha ha!!!! that is comedy at its finest.