cute: such an adorably dangerous word

as i recently made note of, i have, on occasion, said things that were well intended upon vocalization, but ended up doing more harm than good. one word i have learned to use with an extreme amount of caution is the word "cute."

"cute" is a dangerous word for myriad reasons. i will discuss of few of them herein.

first off, straight men really shouldn't use the word "cute" as part of their everyday parlance (it's ok for a straight guy to use the word "parlance," wear speedos and get pedicures, but not use the word "cute") or at least only do so with extreme caution. it just doesn't feel right and it makes everyone within the sound of the man using the word's voice uncomfortable upon hearing it. furthermore, it does little in instilling confidence in those whom men claim to protect (ie, wife and children). as a general rule, i try not to use the word unless i am quoting someone and only then do i use it if i am able to hold up my hands and make those little quotation mark things with my fingers so it is absolutely clear that i am not using my own words. call me a cute-aphobe if you want... doesn't even phase me.

having said that, sometimes it is very difficult for me not to use the word "cute" because sometimes "cute" is just the best word to use... and i don't take word usage lightly. unfortunately, my pride is generally stronger than my vocabulary and, as such, i forego using the word "cute" in favor of a less accurate word like "adorable." just kidding, "adorable" is just as bad as cute. "it's fine" or "it's good" are usually the non-de-script phrases i end up using. kind of bland and boring, but no one questions my masculinity when they hear them.

besides, early on in my and aim's marriage, aim once asked me how she looked and i said, "not as good as you would without those 15 extra pounds your lugging around." just kidding again. i'm not dumb enough to say that outright like i did there, but apparently i am dumb enough to answer the question "would i look better if i lost 15 pounds?" as i noted in a previous post. well, this time when aim asked me how she looked i said, "you look cute" thinking that i had paid my young wife a nice compliment. when it became clear that she wasn't placed with my assessment of her physical appearance, i inquired as to why the cool reception to my compliment to which she replied "i don't want to look just "cute" damnnit."

i should have known. what woman wants to be thought of as "cute?" not mine (and when i say "mine" i am not implying that i own my wife in any way as if she were a piece of property... i would never objectify my wife like that although that probably wouldn't be nearly as bad a move as calling her "cute"). in fact, i have come to gather that "cute" is essentially a pejorative term when used to describe another female in certain situations. it can practically be used as a safe way to insult someone, like telling someone they look tired instead of just saying "you're not looking so good today, go put on some more make-up and see if that helps (just for the record, i would never say either of these things)."

"cute" connotes cuddly, pig tails, rosy cheeks, patty-cakes, and the like. in fact, i don't even like to be called "cute," not that anyone does call me cute... but my mom does call me "jer-bear" which is practically synonymous with "cute." hearing the name "jer-bear" is like fingers on my machismo chalk-board. when i hear the nick-name "jer-bear" i think of a little boy playing hop-skotch with one of those donald duck hats flopping in the wind.... a far cry from the stone-cold grip of brute man that i have become i'd say. i mean, you've seen my pictures and minus the puffy cheeks, i'd have to admit that i'm pretty manly looking especially after i don't shave for a day or two. plus, how many little skipping boys do you know with an adam's apple like mine? enough the jer-bear nonsense.

but this isn't about me, so back to the topic at hand.


no, my friends, no woman wants to be thought of as cute and cuddly. as best i can tell, women want to be thought of as "hot" or "gorgeous" or "sexy," but not "cute." it's the whole ginger versus mary anne thing strictly from a physical appearance standpoint. some may be alright being called "cute" or "mary anne," but those who are set on being "ginger" want nothing of that "mary anne" nonsense.


in fact, woman like this may as well say another woman is "out of her league" rather than call her "cute" because that is exactly what she is implying. men on the other hand may be able to get away with calling a woman "cute" because we're clueless sometimes, but women can be devious when their cannibalistic instincts kick in... be forewarned.

as a disclaimer, i feel compelled to clarify that this does not apply in every situation. sometimes "cute" can be used in a non-offensive manner. i have heard women use it to describe others without any intent to harm and offend and they pull it off famously, but then there are those of you who use it as crack back... you know who you are... and that's all i have to say about that.

back to the original point: sometimes "cute" is just the right word to use. for instance, today after church we were stacking chairs and i went over to a friend who happened to be a female and jokingly asked her to help out. she politely declined explaining that she couldn't help out because she had heels on as she pointed down to her shoes. i couldn't help but take a gander, and i have to admit, that i was impressed... her shoes were quite, uh, what's the word...

practical? no, they were not one bit practical.

nice? to say they were only nice would be to do them a disservice.

saucy or sassy? probably would have worked, but they didn't come to mind at the time... plus in a church setting, either of these words may have come across as a bit much, well not really, but i'm trying to make this story work with the word "cute."

my point is that "cute" was the perfect word to use to describe the shoes and as i wished to compliment the friend on her fine sense of fashion i struggled within myself for a moment as to whether i should admit to her out loud that i thought they were cute. there can be no doubt that word would quickly get out that brother cooper uses the word "cute" and that coupled with the speedo incident would surely spell out our doom in our congregation's various social circles. was i willing to risk that to use most appropriate language in that given instance? you bet, but i did what any respectable husband would do, i hid behind my wife. not literally, she's not big enough... even if she put on 15 pounds she wouldn't be big enough.

no, i'm talking figuratively here. instead of personally admitting that i thought the shoes were cute, i said something like "wow, jen, look at those! if aim saw those she would say something like 'those shoes are so cute! (emphasis added)'" she then clarified that that is in fact what aimee would say being sure to single out the word "so" as her unique contribution to the compliment since i would probably have just said that they were "cute" and not "so cute" were i man enough to use the word "cute." but, oh well, i accomplished what i intended: i expressed my approval of the friend's shoes while saving face (one carve out of stone i might add, minus the cheeks) by not admitting that the word "cute" is part of my everyday vernacular.

very clever if i might say so myself. if only my mom could have been there... she would have been so proud of her little jer-bear. it was adorable.