babe, i'm sorry... in an hbo kind of way

apology

a*pol"o*gy\, n.; pl. Apologies. [L. apologia, Gr. ?; ? from + ?: cf. F. apologie. See Apologetic.]

an acknowledgment intended as an atonement for some improper or injurious remark or act; an admission to another of a wrong or discourtesy done him, accompanied by an expression of regret.

atonement

a·tone·ment

satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.

for those of you who haven't heard all the hub-bub about hbo airing one of the mormon temple ceremonies performed in, you guessed it, the temple, here's a link you should read, study, and ponder over to put this post in context: http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20090311/en_tv_eo/103779

here are some choice excerpts from hbo's apology:

Obviously, it was not our intention to do anything disrespectful to the church, but to those who may be offended, we offer our sincere apology.

apparently, in hbo-think it is ok to do things that may be offensive to people so long as you don't intend to offend these people and then offer a "sincere" apology for presumably offending them.

In approaching the dramatization of the endowment ceremony, we knew we had a responsibility to be completely accurate and to show the ceremony in the proper context and with respect.

We therefore took great pains to depict the ceremony with the dignity and reverence it is due.

so, if you're accurate and reverent in protraying something which someone might consider to be offensive upon broadcasting to the world, your apology receives additional validation. i'm sure my wife won't mind if i do an up-close and personal interview session on camera of her giving birth to our next child (assuming we have another one) and then make it available to pretty much everyone who wants to see it as long as i'm accurate and reverent about it. and just for the record, the delivery most likely won't be a c-section.

and then, to top it all off, in spite of hbo's "apology",which generally connotes remorse or regret, which words generally imply ceasinng the behavior that gave reason to apologize, hbo aired the episode anyway.

as caleb once told me, "sorry doesn't cut it, dad!" which means that just saying sorry isn't enough, there needs to be a change in behavior. or as elvis would sing, "a little less conversation, a little more action." or as i say, and i say it often, "hbo, it is laughable that you consider saying "sorry" a valid apology for committing a complete affront to an entire religion but then go forward with the airing of the show. seriously. if i subscribed to your station, i would tell you i'm sorry that my cancelling of your subsription might offend you and then cancel it anyway because i feel so bad about it."

here's the thing, showing the temple ceremony on tv is troublesome to me; however, it's already on the internet and stuff like this was bound to happen whatwithall this information super highway stuff. i've only seen parts of a couple of shows of big love and thought it was pretty boring, nothing like the fast-paced, attention grabbing, constantly entertaining lives that real mormons lead. fine, if that's how you choose to entertain yourself, more power to you... in fact, you should consider coming to church to further enhance the experience. what's really amusing to me, though, is that hbo acknowledges it is doing something offensive and even apologizes for it, but then goes ahead and committs the offensive behavior anyway. nice.

it's also funny to me that mormons are calling for a boycott of hbo since i know only a couple of mormons who even subscribe to hbo. we'll get them where it really counts: in the pocketbook.

actually, i kind of like where hbo's head is at... perhaps there's some silver lining in all this insensitivity and just like it says in the book of mormon: where God closes a door, he opens a window (actually, it doesn't say that).

so, here's what i'm thinking, going forward, i plan to incorporate hbo's method of apologizing in my everyday life. this is a timely decision seeing as how i have been in hot water all week after having fallen short in many of the most important areas of husbandry (did you like how i implied that this is not a common occurrence and only happened last week?).

for starters, the other night, i failed to change colston's diaper while aim was out. this sparked an argument of herculean proportions between us lovebirds during which i failed to realize if i'd only said "aim, i'm sorry for offending you with my actions, but i didn't intend to offend, i apologize, and my failure to change the diaper was in fact an accurate failure as i researched mightily the inaction of changing a diaper and approached the act of omission with great reverence. you cannot possibly be mad at me. oh, and by the way, babe, i'm still not changing the diaper."

that's frustrating seeing as how i would have been able to get a lot more sleep had i dropped that line.

then there was satruday when aim ran in a half-marathon. she stayed at a hotel close to the starting point the night before. i stayed at home with the kids and planned to be at the end of the run with the kids as she approached the finish line in slow motion with chariots of fire playing in the background so we could embrace fervently and kiss passionately until i started to taste the salty residue of her sweaty lips and get a little grossed out. i digress.

the point is that the boys and i overslept and weren't there to see the above play out as i had only dreamt so many times in mind. i felt pretty bad. the boys wanted to be there and i wanted to kiss some sweaty lips... none of us got our wish, but, hey, salty lips can be recreated fairly easily, crossing the finish line of a half-marathon only happens when a city schedules a half-marathon and aimee runs in it. this has only happened twice in our eleven years of marriage.

anyway, i felt pretty bad as we drove to the site of the finish line. i cried a little inside which is really kind of nifty since you don't have to cry at all and look weak, or get all red-eyed, but still get the benefit of having told everyone you cried which prompts them to see you as a sensitive person. and who doesn't like a sensitive man? what i now realize though, is that i don't even have to say that i cried inside anymore when i can just offer an insincere apology.

so, with that, aim, i apologize for being late to the marathon. i am sorry if i have offended you, but i researched arriving late to marathons... and believe me, that is as accurate of a late arrival to a marathon as you will ever see. plus we all arrived with our arms folded and we weren't talking, erego we were reverent about it. this being the case, you are obligated to withhold any anger and frustration you may feel toward me. you cannot hold this against me for i have issued a sincere insincere hbo apology and have no intention of being punctual in the future.

wow. i feel as though this post has been revolutionary and will certainly go down in the voluminous annals of landmark posts from the cooper five. many of you will look back on the day that you read this post as the day you quit having a conscience or any semblance of sensitivity. won't it be great? no one can ever be offended again and even if they are, we don't have to do anything differently since we can just say "sorry" and not change behavior.

so, with that, i apologize, folks. that's just the way it's going to be from here on out. actually, i'm not sorry at all. deal with it.