the final post of the decade: male bloggers and there's a new moon in the twilight saga

traditionally, not a lot of guys like to manage their family blog. i get it... i'm in an area of the blogoshpere that is typically dominated by women. i'm not the least bit intimidated, but i am somewhat surprised by the sexist view the rest of the world takes on the matter. take for instance a recent article in the periodical mormon times addressing mormon women who have substantially successful, not to mention fairly universal, blogs: http://www.mormontimes.com/people_news/people_church/?id=11970.

first off, yes, i subscribe to mormon times. how else will i know where donny and marie osmond summer? whether or not david archuletta is going to serve a mission? or what the next fashion trend jericho road starts will be?

that's neither here nor there, though, since the article we're talking about, in case you haven't read it or can't tell from the title already, highlights three or four mormon bloggers who attract millions, if not billions, of readers everyday... at least, that's what i gathered from the article. some of you may have seen this article when it came out earlier this month and began to read it thinking you would find mention of your favorite semi-professional blogger, the blogmaster. you should be so lucky... as should the article, but, sadly, neither of you are... so lucky, that is.

believe you me, i have scoured the article twice and am yet to find even an indirect reference to myself. for some, this notable omission from the article may give cause to revolt against and possibly even leave the church. some may just be saddened and further disillusioned with the biased nature of the industry of journalism. for me, as mentioned above, it's just an example of the sexist nature of the family blogosphere.

let me address each of these concerns in the order in which they were introduced:

first, please don't leave the church over this... mormon times is not part of the mormon canon of scripture and, as such, should not be leaned on for spiritual guidance.

second, unfortunately the media is biased and there is not much that can be done about this. denying this is like saying fox news is objective. thing is, i had no idea the media had an agenda to keep me down.

third, let's not get out of hand here. take it easy, my friends. first, keep in mind that this article was specifically about women bloggers. which is something i am not. blogger, yes. woman, no. for the record, i have been accused of being part woman, or even a pretty boy at times, because i do stuff like blog, comb my hair, decorate, and buy clothes. no worries, i can take the ridicule. at least i can create the perception that i can take it. truth is, on the inside, i'm the most insecure narcissist you'll ever meet... it shouldn't come as a surprise that a guy who likes to blog has feelings, too.

my point is, that, yes, i did feel slighted at not getting a shout out from the folks at deseret news, but as celine dion sang in the theme thong for titanic, my love for blogging will go on. in fact, i am confident that the glass ceiling keeping the man blogger down can be shattered. i'll go so far as to say that one day a male family blogger will be sitting on the supreme court, or in the oval office, or, better yet, on oprah's couch. maybe it will be one of my boys... maybe one of yours. keep their dreams alive. don't ever let them think they aren't every bit as capable of creating and maintaining a family blog despite the fact that they can stand when they go to the bathroom.

in fact, as a demonstration of man's equal ability to blog, or as i like to call it: our delicate masculine, i am going to blog about having seen the twilight saga: new moon the other night and let you be the judge as to whether i am up to the task of blogging right along with my counterpart opposite sex bloggers.

dear blog,

aim and i went to see the twilight saga: new moon the other night. i had been looking forward to it all week and, in anticipation, stopped eating two days before so i could fit into the new pair of true religion jeans i bought myself for Christmas and then wrapped up and labeled as being from aim. you're welcome, babe (for making your job of picking out the perfect Christmas gift for me easier).

i was so excited to see new moon that i texted aim constantly throughout the day on the hour reciting quotes from the book as if i were edward, and then jacob, just to see which one she responded to more favorably. based on who she chose is who i decided to cheer for that evening even though i knew bella would choose edward in the end since i've read the book like five times... this month.

so, we got to the movie and from the beginning scene with the old lady to the very end, i was enthralled with the cinematography, the dialogue, the soundtrack, and the cgi that so accurately portrayed jacob morphing into a werewolf that it was as if the computer geeks who put the computer animation together had lifted the very images i'd created in my mind right out of my head and placed them on the screen. it was beautiful and so realistic that i am now wondering if the guy who played jacob really is a werewolf.

i was so into it that i could literally feel bella's quandary: the juxtaposition of having to choose between the lesser of two perfections... how could she go wrong? alternatively, how could she get it right? it's like trying to divide by zero... and only chuck norris can do that, but he wasn't making a cameo appearane in sister meyer's latest installment of the twilight saga... you're on your own, bella. i felt so badly for her, i wanted text her and tell her everything would work out in breaking dawn, but then that might ruin eclipse... so, i guess i better keep my phone in my pocket.

aimee, on the other hand, kept cramping the experience by snickering during certain scenes. apparently, she has never had to offer the shirt off of her very back to dab someone's bleeding forehead. nor has she been beholden to the image of a pale white shirtless vampire with interesting chest hair growth patterns sprawled across his bosom and an airbrushed six pack like i have every night in my dreams. frankly, i think she had trouble grasping the struggle the director must have felt in trying to decide whether he was putting together a movie or a calvin klein/abercrombie & fitch commercial (i'm pretty sure his contract said "movie"). her loss.

in the end though, i have to admit, that i found myself feeling terribly bad for jacob but strangely inspired to maintain my fast and increase my weight lifting routines so that i could look more like him. that has to be what women want, and i'll do whatever it takes to look like the type of mythical, unrealistic man that women want... you know, the type that eats away at my self-esteem and self-image every day. in fact, i was so caught up in jacob, his image and his actions that i offered to remove my shirt after the movie ended so that aim could clean her hands of any popcorn butter that remained on them.

enough of that...

truth be told, i was slightly disappointed in the movie. the previews made it look as if there would be a lot more vampire werewolf fighting scenes... not so. it was actually kind of slow and uneventful. the soundtrack, though, was excelente. i loved the thom yorke song. i did feel bad for jacob in the end, but maybe bella's not into dudes who take their shirts off at the drop of a hat even though she seems to have forgotten to button her own shirt up by a couple of buttons in a few scenes. you'd think someone on the set would have pointed this out to her... hello, how embarrassing is that?

i know this is a long post, but you won't be hearing from me again until next decade. i'll stop now and leave you with some pics which will hopefully help you forget how long this post was and keep you coming back for more.

happy new year's.