so, mrs. blogmaster has a habit of sleep-talking...

it's saturday afternoon and a couple members of the cooperfive are taking naps. naps are a precious commodity around here as they are hard to come by but when some of us do get one we're all much more pleasant to be around the rest of the day.

colston is a pretty good napper, but the two older boys think napping is for the birds. in fact they think sleeping in general is for the birds... unless, of course, it's 9:00 am in the morning and jameson has to be to school in 15 minutes and he is home alone and i am on the golf course calling him to get him up and over to his friend cooper's house so they can walk to school together and he's not picking up the phone and he hasn't showed up to school yet and i'm sending people over to knock on the door and he's not answering and i'm starting to freak out now as i'm stuck behind a highway patrolman on the 215 and can't speed up to get home to see what's going on when emcghee breaks in and finally finds him in bed fast asleep. those are the times when sleeping is the greatest thing in the world for the kids... or right before church. go figure.

my kids take a similar stance on eating, which is extremely odd to me since, as a kid, i pretty much ate indiscriminately. eating was the activity that took precedence over all other activities. if something looked good, i ate it. if something looked good and i was full, i still ate it. in fact, i'm convinced some of us coopers don't possess whatever synapse or chemical or membrane or whatever it is in our brain that tells your body to stop eating once it is full. if it tastes good, i'll eat it. even if it doesn't taste good, i'll eat it sometimes, too, if there's nothing else to do.

to the minors in the cooperfive, though, eating is a burden... that is of course, unless it's time to go to bed and all of a sudden they try to filibuster their way out of going to bed by moaning about being hungry even though we had a very adequate dinner two hours earlier. i have to admit, it's a pretty good tactic on their part as no parent wants to send their kid to bed hungry... that's just neglectful/borderline abusive. plus, my boys are tiny so i think they need to get all the food in them they possibly can. as of late, i've taken more of a tough-love stance when they pull this shenanigan on me and refuse to get them anything, but i still usually let them go find what they can in the kitchen... which is typically something nice and hardy like marshmallows or graham crackers.

back to the sleep talking stuff...

like the title states: aim likes to sleep-talk. ok, so it's not every night... or maybe it is and i just sleep through it, but every once in a while, i'll be up and she'll be out when all of a sudden she mumbles some weird combination of words and a conversation ensues. usually the conversation is pretty one sided, but i do my best to keep mrs. blogmaster talking so i might further entertain myself. unfortunately, mrs. blogmaster gets a little stand-offish when she sleep talks and, thus, gets very annoyed with my persistence in trying to keep the conversation alive.

i usually have to call the dogs off after three or four attempts to keep her gabbing out of fear that as her volatile sub-conscious temperament escalates, she might graduate from sleep talking to sleep kicking or smacking. it would be bad enough to be a battered husband, but i've got to think it would be even worse yet to be a battered husband who gets battered by his wife while she sleeps. either way, i don't want to find out. thus, for the sake of our marriage, i don't push the sleep talking pillow talk too far.

the sad thing is that every time this happens, i think i'll remember whatever it is she says so that i can give her a hard time about the next day. unfortunately, more often than not, i usually forget and these gems of moments are lost forever. lucky for us i do remember a couple of choice utterances off the top of my head.

one sleep-talking occurrence might not come across as funny on the blog as it actually was in real life, but i will share it nonetheless. this took place not too long ago when mrs. blogmaster and i were watching an episode of glee. at the end of the episode, aim was dozing off and after the show ended, i noticed that she was out cold. as such, i reached over and started to give her a little nudgie to wake her up so we could go to bed. after a couple of jostles, i successfully jogged her out of nocturnal slumber and unlike she usually does, she barely awoke and was clearly still half-asleep. usually when i wake her up she jolts right back into the land of the living with a heightened sense of urgency and eyes popping all around like she just injected a red bull directly into her heart. not this time, though.

actually, i was pretty surprised she fell asleep in the first place since she absolutely loves glee. that being the case, i said something about being shocked she fell asleep and how she missed the best part of the show, which was the closing musical number. she, of course, insisted she hadn't fallen asleep and that she had, in fact, seen the final number. i knew she was full of it since she was barely even awake at that very moment and, so, i asked her to prove it by telling me what the last number was (this ought to be good).

she tried to cover by saying she didn't know the name of the song, so i said "alright, how did the song go?"

with that, half-asleep/half-awake aim, managed to mumbled out a monotone "hum-ma-na-hum-ma-na-hum-ma-na." i have no idea where she got that from, but it wasn't even close to the "don't stop believing" number they actually performed. it was priceless, aim singing some nonsensical rubbish while barely awake and completely unaware of what she was saying. to be expected, she disavowed all knowledge of this moment the next day and i believed her. i wish i had gotten it on camera if for nothing else, for posterity's sake.

that was pretty funny, but the absolute funniest thing she has ever said came about around the time "new moon" the movie was coming out... either that or there was a full moon out. those are the only things that could explain why aimee kind of moaned a "com'mere you big hairy wolfman" as she rolled over in bed one night. i'm still not sure how to take that since i'm not an exceptionally hairy man and the guy on the "new moon" movies, while admittedly abercrombie and fitch model'esque, is only like 15 years old.

either way, i laughed my head off in my non-expressive/non-demonstrative kind of way and knew there was no way i could forget that one. and now it's documented.

guess she'll want me to be chewbacca for halloween. i'm ok with that.