an evening at chuck e. cheeze's: caleb turns five

yesterday was caleb's 5th birthday. it was a fun day for him. caleb had literally been talking about/anticipating his 5th birthday for the 17 months prior to it. needless to say he was excited. first off he was excited because grandma hodges was in town and she was going to take him to lunch at the venue of his choice: a mcdonalds with a play area. i think he got a happy meal while there, but food is a burden to the frolicking five year old faced with the splendid options of crawl-through tubular tunnels, winding slides, plastic ball pits and the like. unfortunately, i could not make the luncheon, but i trust he thoroughly enjoyed himself. thanks, grandma h.

later that evening we planned to take caleb to dinner as a family at the venue of his choice... and his choice, of course, was none other than: mcdonalds with a play area. i was a little bummed at this suggestion as mcdonalds is only tied for third on my list of birthday restaurants (fyi: it is tied for third with sushi fever) and i was hoping we might spring for a something a little more appetizing to me. aim was bummed, too... she was hoping for california pizza kitchen since we had some coupons. turns out none of us got our wish as jameson poisoned caleb's ear with the prospect of chuck e. cheeze's and caleb responded quite favorably. all of sudden i was lobbying for mcdonalds, aim was insisting on ca pizza kitch, but it was too late... the thought of chuck e. cheeze's had already latched on to caleb's impressionable mind and it wasn't going anywhere.

here's the thing, back when i was a kid and chuck e. cheeze's first came out, it was something magical. it was a really, really, really poor man's version of disneyland in my prepubescent mind. of course, that was back when the company actually invested some serious resources into it... back when you could step into a plastic ball pit and not worry about the prick of a hypodermic needle or the squish squash of human feces.

i remember the first time i went to chuck's with my grandpa and thought i had stepped into charlie's chocolate factory... there was video game after video game, grips of pizza, ski ball runs that actually worked, good toys you could get with your tickets, etc. all that was missing were the umpa lumpas and veruca salt.

those were the glory years of chuck e. cheeze's and i remember them fondly. now, chuck e. cheeze's is a really, really, really poor man's version of a nicklecade on welfare. "loathe" is the word that comes to mind when a trip to chuck e. cheeze's is decided upon. this case was no different, but, after all, this was for caleb... not me, so i would try to be an adult about it.

thus, we went and things were off to a bad start when we tried to order pizza and were summarily told that the ovens were not working and no pizza, sandwiches or pretty much any other food besides french fies was available. not good, aim and i were hungry, and unlike our kids, we need to be fed in order to maintain a pleasant disposition. our kids, on the other hand, never intended to eat from the get-go... they simply lure us into chuck e. cheeze's based on the hollow promise that they will eat and then scatter throughout the selection of misfit video games that can't cut it in the real world of gaming.

for those who aren't familiar with the fine recreational/eating establishment more commonly known as chuck e. cheeze's, it's kind of like a third world orphanage for video games that no one wants. half the games are out of order and the other half haven't been fun since 1982... i don't even think amish kids would want to play the likes of these games.

our kids, on the other hand, love the games there mostly because they are awarded tickets from them that they can redeem for over the counter trash... actually, trash may have more value than the toys they offer. for example, if you have something like 100 tickets, you can exchange them for one of those plastic spider rings you can't get enough of for free during halloween. if you have around 2 million tickets, you may be able to barter for a framed picture of menudo or a plastic gumball machine china won't even allow to be sold to its people.

cashing in the tickets is always the highlight of the evening for the young ones as their hard work on the video games is about to pay off in tangible rewards. last night, however, the ticket cash-in event was merely the drilling of a cavity following the injection of a dentist's needle to numb the area that's about to receive the pain. not only were aim and i hungry, not only were we tired, not only we were watching the tweener employees of chuck e. cheeze's delivering pizza to the tables of the patrons (i thought the oven didn't work?), not only was caleb insisting on getting an item he didn't have even close to enough tickets for, not only did i feel like i needed to take a bath in hand sanitizer because of the slimy film that seems to permeate every solid object within the restaurant's wall, but there was only one person simultaneously working the ticket counter and the cash register up front. never mind that there was a line of impatient parents and geeked out kids forming at the ticket counter, four or five other employees were too busy replacing the sliced carrots in the overpriced and underused salad bar to help out. lovely. hey, manager, don't go out of your way to actually improve the experience of chuck's patrons, redeeming tickets is beneath you... afterall, there are carrots to replenish.

so, we sat and waited, but i knew we were in trouble when the girl running the ticket counter pulled out a ten key to calculate ticket amounts (no joke and for those of you who didn't grow up with a parent who worked as an accountant, a ten key is like a calculator on steroids). one minute she was there redeeming tickets, then she was gone, taking a food order at the cash register.

my patience was wearing thin and then even thinner when i noticed other families making their way forward to the counter and not respecting the integrity of the line we had formed. what is it with line etiquette with some people? seriously! what is the thought process going through someone's mind when they see an area where a line is necessary, people are already standing in line patiently waiting their turn, and someone just decides to walk up to the counter, completely ignoring the line, and then just wait for an employee to attended to him/her? i don't get it. where's the fire? are your kid's tickets about to self-destruct? are you chuck e. cheeze royalty or something? how about waiting in the que like the rest of us?

about 10 minutes passed... ok, maybe five, but it felt like 10 and no degree of begging or cajoling could get the boys to abandon their hearts' true desire of getting that watermelon looking eraser that is more rubber than eraser... they were set on the wondrous trinkets and charms separated from them by only a thin piece of glass and a redemption of their hard-earned tickets. you'd think they'd stumbled on the type of treasure only seen in indiana jones and national treasure-esque movies.

i'd had it, though, and i was desperate. it was time to get serious and so i offered each of them a dollar if we could just leave now (actually then, but it was now then). they accepted, not even a counter-offer.... apparently, they had no idea how high i was willing to go just to get us out of that place... note to self: teach son's to be better negotiators but not until they have exceeded the age at which chuck's becomes unenjoyable.

with that, we raced home but not before stopping and grabbing some pizza for a quick bite to eat at home with a bowl of ice cream before bedtime. it was sufficient considering the big party is on friday... should be fun. what's important is that cabes had fun even though i did not... afterall, it was about him, not me (still trying to get used to that concept).

i'm glad we could accomodate lil' c since he's a special guy who we love to have around. cabes is definitely a unique kid. for instance, he's really into trailer hitches and trailers. he's always asking about our hyundai santa fe and why it doesn't have a trailer hitch. he wants a trailer hitch on the car really bad so we can tow the boat (he loves towing things). when he asks me this, i have to explain to him that our engine isn't strong enough to tow a boat, so even if we had a hitch, it wouldn't matter. to this, he'll often reply, "oh man, i hate santa fes," or "we need a new engine, dad," or "dad, you bought the wrong engine for our car." apparently, he's in the market for a tahoe. me too, bud, me too.

needless to say, cabes was in heaven the other day when we borrowed a friend's suburban to tow the boat. he sat in the back and kept and eye on the boat the entire time, informing me about every 8 minutes that everything "was all clear back here." thanks for the updates, caleb... you are an expert co-pilot.

caleb is also very determined, at least that's what we like to call it. to explain, there are some mighty fine stubborn genes on the hodges side and there may even be some better ones on the cooper side... well, i'm pertty sure caleb got the best of both worlds when it comes to stubborn genes. one quick example: he's cried on a road trip for 6 to 7 hours straight. i have a feeling that that kind of determination is going to make him successful at whatever he chooses to do.... at least that's what i tell myself on hour four of the crying to keep myself from throwing the kid out the window.

bottom line, we love caleb. he can make us go from yelling to smiling in about 3 seconds flat. he says some funny things, but often what makes them even funnier is his little raspy voice. caleb is the one who came along to join aim, jameson and me after about three years of trying to get pregnant and a couple of miscarriages. it was a rough time for us, so you can imagine the joy with which his arrival was met. we had been waiting and waiting, and all of a sudden he was there, but that's a story for a different post. i'll address that two posts from now when i post the poem from his birth announcement and rehash his party which i'll take care of after i cover our recent trip to washington dc (next post).

in closing, happy birthday caleb! time to start the countdown to next year. may all your birthdays be filled with pizzaless trips to chuck e. cheeze's and mcdonalds with play areas.