cooperfive myths and their related truths or alex claus comes to town (you choose the title)

i got a haircut today and like this post it was long overdue. unlike sampson, however, i feel as though my blog writing powers have only returned with the loss of my locks.

frankly, i have been in need of some inspiration lately, and i guess a haircut is as good as any life-altering event to prompt a fresh blog entry. if i hadn't already used the story about getting my hair highlighted, i would recount it now... alas, i cannot, so instead i will post the link to that blog entry and invite you to take a stroll down the cooperfive blog memory lane. and if i don't say so myself, it was one of my more clever posts... look what i just said myself!

http://thecooperfive.blogspot.com/2008/11/blond-ambition-yes-i-can.html

i won't leave it at that though, my zombies. i know you are there, checking the blog every day, refreshing your rss feed hoping that a new post will somehow have magically made its way onto the world wide web overnight so that you might have a small dose of entertainment to start your day and face the monotony of life.

unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way. contrary to popular belief, i don't have little blog-writing gnomes that are constantly at my beck and call... brainstorming blog ideas with me, drafting clever antecdotes, testing out my new material on the masses, blah, blah, blah... no, my friends, i am not so fortunate. each word that makes it way onto your screen is the result of hard work and effort. it is not uncommon for my mind to perform mental contortions the likes of which no spandex laden man performing a cirque du soliel number with another spandex laden man has ever seen... however, my blogs shouldn't make you feel nearly as uncomfortable as those cirque du soleil guys.

so, now you know the truth about the creation of my blog posts. while we're at it, i might as well quelch several other rumors out there on the information superhighway about my blog writing abilities and explain the truth.

fiction: i gave the queen of england an ipod with mp3s of me reading my blog entries for her listening pleasure.

fact: i did give an ipod containing musical renditions of my blog posts as performed by my mother to some lady dressed as a queen at a rennaisance fair hoping to break the cooperfive into that market. unfortunately, i have not posted any pictures of my sisters in their rennaisance/madrigol singing garb on the blog, nor have i mentioned fairies, dragons, or elven kings (apparently, the gnomes reference above was not sufficient), meaning my words did not resonate with that crowd and i was banished from their kingdom.

fiction: i told senate majority leader/nevada senator, harry reid, that i have a gift for blogging.

fact: i told senator reid that i think it's kind of funny that he has a four letter word for a last name and that i will solely refer to him as senator @!#* on this blog going forward. note: i don't think he heard me when i said this since he was nowhere near me at the time it was uttered, nor do i think he will ever read this blog so i am not really afraid of a federal investigation coming my way. should i be, megan?

fiction: i received bailout money as the result of my struggles last month as a blogger (i.e., i only had three posts).

fact: i did not receive bailout money, rather i joined a blogging union and, as such, am only required to author three posts a month. i am on a mandatory break the rest of the time... well, i would have been, but lucky for you, my tarp money didn't arrive in time for me to pay my dues last month and i was kicked out of the union. now, i actually have to pay attention to market forces.

fiction: i said that i am able to come up with better, wiser, and more clever blog posts than a latin woman blogger could because of my "privileged, silver spoon, devoid of any meaningful/educational experiences" upbringing as a white male.

fact: i said that if i were a supreme court justice, the written opinions coming out of the court would be a lot funnier than they currently are even if that meant they would completely lack legal substance; but, that legal technicalities wouldn't matter since i think reading my blog would solve a lot of problems facing this country, no, the world.

fiction: i announced that the cooperfive had nuclear capabilities now and tested several short range missiles in the nevada desert.

fact: i announced that the cooperfive is considering becoming the coopersix and that north korea and iran will be the least of this world's problems if that ever comes to pass and there are four little coopies running around.

ok, that's enough of the not-so-subtle political backhand slapping, let's move onto something a little less politically charged: france. we just finished hosting well known blog zombie, and even more well known frenchman, alex chailleux, at our las vegas residence (which is our only residence).

alex was visiting from his homeland of france for some computer geek convention in san francisco.... at least that's what he says. actually, alex said one of the reasons he was here was to get me to start using upper-case letters, but i suspect it had more to do with the fact that i had not posted in a couple of weeks and reached my all time low of three posts last month. apparently, my blog means more to the masses than my self-absorbed mind can comprehend. but, because it meant so much to me that alex would come, i will grant him his wish and use capital letters...

ALEX IS A GREAT GUY. HE WAS A LOT OF FUN TO HAVE AROUND FOR A FEW DAYS. TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF THE TYPE OF PERSON ALEX IS, WHEN I WENT TO PICK HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT I WAS WALKING AROUND THE BAGGAGE CLAIM LOOKING FOR HIM WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE POPPED UP FROM BEHIND A LUGGAGE CART LIKE A JACK-IN-THE-BOX WITH HIS HANDS IN AIR TO SURPISE ME. DID I MENTION HE'S 41 (ALTHOUGH HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OLDER THAN 30) AND THAT THIS WAS IN A CROWDED PUBLIC PLACE? LIKE I SAID, HE'S A LOT OF FUN TO HAVE AROUND.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS A LOT MORE FUN TO HAVE HIM AROUND THAN IT WAS TO GET READY TO HAVE HIM AROUND. PREPARING FOR HIM TO COME MEANT A LOT OF CLEANING AND ORGANIZING AND ALL THAT STUFF. I SAW A SIDE OF AIMEE I HADN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE... AIMEE THE OBSESSIVE ORGANIZER. AIM LOVES TO ORGANIZE THINGS. SHE ACTUALLY ASKS FOR ORGANIZING MATERIALS, MATCHING HANGARS, AND STUFF LIKE THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY. SHE ORGANIZES DRAWERS, CLOSETS, THE ORDER CLOTHERS ARE HUNG-UP, TUPPERWARE BOXES AND THEN THE BOXES WITHIN THE TUPPERWARE BOXES, ETC. I THINK IT'S GREAT, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES A LITTLE OVERBOARD.

AIM IS ALSO A HABITUAL VACUMER. I ENCOURAGE HER TO LET HER ANGER AND FRUSTRATION ON THE VACUM SINCE IT'S A TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE KIND OF THING. ANYWAY, WHEN ALEX WAS COMING AND WE WERE GETTING EVERYTHING IN ORDER FOR HIS ARRIVAL, IT KIND OF REMINDED ME OF THE TIME SOME PEOPLE FROM THE CHURCH WERE COMING OVER TO HELP US CLEAN SOME THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE 'CAUSE AIM WASN'T FEELING WELL AND SHE STAYED UP UNTIL ONE IN THE MORNING THE NIGHT BEFORE CLEANING THE HOUSE SO IT WOULD BE CLEAN ENOUGH FOR THE CHURCH PEOPLE TO CLEAN. HEAVEN LOVE HER.

WELL, I'LL END IT ON THAT EXCEPT TO SAY THAT...

ALEX, YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! THANKS FOR COMING TO VISIT. THIS POST ID DEDICATED TO YOU, YOUR WAKEBOARDING SKILLS, AIMEE'S CLEANING SKILLS AND THAT NASTY SPILL SHE TOOK OUT ON THE LAKE. I WILL BE MORE COGNIZANT OF MY ZOMBIES' NEED FOR POSTS IN THE FUTURE AND REFRAIN FROM REFRAINING FROM POSTING. ON THAT NOTE, I WILL FORMALLY PROMISE THAT I WILL POST AT LEAST 6 POSTS THIS MONTH AND ALL OF THEM WILL BE REALLY FUNNY... FUNNIER THAN THIS POST... I PROMISE. BUT, I THINK I AM GOING BACK TO LOWERCASE LETTERING... SORRY, ALEX, but we still love you!