and along came caleb

i promised a couple posts back that i would share a quick little story about caleb's birth and how he was not there one minute and then all of a sudden, bam, there he was. seeing as how caleb just had his fifth birthday, it seems appropriate that i share that story now, along with his birth announcement poem and a few pics from the party. as usual, i apologize to anyone reading this blog who did not receive an invite to the party... we do the best we can to include as many people as we can.

for starters, the story (disclaimer: this portion of the post may not be suitable for younger readers. unfortunately, all of the members of my teenage fan club should jump ahead to the poem. also, some of my more sensitive readers may want to jump ahead as well. thus, members of the sensitive cooperfive readers club, should also skip ahead or prepare to be offended).

so, caleb's arrival was somewhat sudden. not quite as sudden as jameson's, but sudden nonetheless. if i recall, and correct me if i'm wrong, aim, i was attending a check-up doctor's visit thing with aim when she was about 8 months along in the pregnancy. it's important to note that all this took place while we were living in san jose and that the doctor was a polish lady with a very thick polish accent. for the record, aim loved her.

anyway, we're in there getting checked up, aim moreso than me, when all of a sudden the doctor discovers that aim's water had broken and super cabes was on his way out. at once the mood changed and my paternal instinct kicked in as various thoughts/concerns started racing through my mind about being prepared for the arrival.

one of the first thoughts that came to me in my heightened sense of personal deliberation was something that the doctor had said in reference to the increased potential for infection once a woman's water has broken. i thought to myself, well then, it's a good thing her water just broke and the boy was going to be delivered not long thereafter. but then, the overly precautious side of me considered every contingency and recalled the birth of our first son and how when aim's water broke, she wasn't sure if her water had broken... go figure. apparently, it's not as obvious as a dumb jock like myself would think.

so then, it occurred to me, maybe aim's water had broken the night before since, coincidentally, aim and i had had some special adult time together... if you know what i mean. if that did in fact happen (the part about the water breaking that is, i'm quite certain the adult time did happen), then perhaps aim and caleb were facing the possibility of serious infection. at least that was the message the male synapses were sending throughout my all-boy brain.

at that point i began to fear for the well-being of my wife and incoming child. i whispered to aim that perhaps we should tell dr. polish woman that we had engaged in adult activities the night before just to be safe... i mean, we're all adults here, but, seriously, shouldn't the wife be the one who breaks that kind of news to another woman... much less a woman who's her doctor? not so, my friend... either aim wasn't as worried about it as i was or she was just as embarassed as i was. she'll never tell... the truth at least.

given the current state of things that moment, i realized time was of the essence as this kid was coming and every second we waited was another moment the infection was spreading like a vicious juggernaut who knew no bounds. thus, i set aside my pride, cleared my throat and just asked without any kind of forewarning...

me: "uh, doctor, we had sexual intercourse last night." (for the record, yes, those were my exact words... even the "uh")

silence. crickets chirping.
nurse glances over from behind the doctor smiling uncontrollably.

doctor (in a very thick polish accent): "well, good for you!"

me: sheepish grin, very much aware of the fact that i'm the only guy in the room.

aim: i don't know him, he's not the father, i just picked him up at le mas (sp?) class 'cause i needed a partner.

it was a little awkward, but it gave me some peace of mind... plus, i was able to use proper language out of respect for the chicks in the room.

and with that, caleb made his grand entrance into the world. funny thing is, i almost missed it as i was off leaving jameson at a friend's house during which time aim had to walk from the doctor's office to the hospital across the street since we were running out of time (yes, she was in labor walking across the street). all in all, the delivery seemed pretty fast and easy compared to jameson's as it only took about twenty minutes. what's important is that it wasn't too hard on me... and i think aim did alright, as well.

so, with that, i present to you caleb's birth announcement poem:

the origin of superbaby
by jeremy cooper

it was the thick of the summer,
the stars were aligning
and plans for an arrival
the coopers designing

for boy wonder was coming
but not soon enough
or maybe too soon
'cause he came in the buff

after restlessly waiting,
the days elongating
nor cal's need for a hero
was at last dissapating

for evil forces lurked near
planning things we'll not mention
from the legion of doom
to the donkey convention

but how could such malice
our little one combat
for he was so tiny
just hair and baby fat

so we called gramps and grams
for some elderly advice
and they all came to examine
our little home slice

"perhaps," thought grandma kenna,
"it's his voice that's unique
he'll sing bad guys away
with his boyish mystique!"

"fat chance!" gasped grandpa jeff
pulling the plug on her suggestion
"the very thought alone
gives me slight indigestion."

grandma gaylin guessed for sure
he'd use his hair like a web,
catch villans by the dozen,
lock them up on his head

but with none of these ideas
having come to fruition
i thought to myself
so much for women's intuition!

i then wondered if we'd ever
discover this boys power?
what makes him incredible
was the quandry of the hour

but, sadly it was time
for the grandfolks to go
and with gentle kisses on soft cheeks
something started to flow

seismic rumblings then abounded
of other wordly proportions
deafening all within reach
of their bombastic distortion

in short, cheese was cut
the wind, it was broken
our tears, they were shed
caleb's bum... it was smokin'

"at last!" we rejoiced,
"his gift's become plain!"
but grandpa kim quickly quipped,
"wait, i need to explain:"

"alas, fierce flatulence
is common for my kin.
while impressive, not quite super
thus, we'll have to try again."

so, as the dust slowly settled,
my mind began to meddle
without super powers
is this babe forgettable?

but a gift beyond fantastic
it was just to have the little "bub"
and so i thought to myself,
"ay, there's the rub:

he doesn't need x-ray vision
or a cape to be super.
he is who he is,
'nuff said, he's a cooper!"

our precious gift from the heavens,
number two of eleven!
(i'm just kidding aim,
i know we're stopping at seven).