a man named "kim" and first time full moon in vegas: birthday wishes are in order

yes, it is time again for a few more b-day wishes. one is a bit belated and the other is a couple of hours from joining it, nonetheless, let's do this.

for starters, my father-in-law, kim, had his birthday a couple of days ago. no, that wasn't a typo... kim is the name of my father-in-law i don't know why so many people find that so strange. maybe it's because kim is a woman's name 99% of the time. it's not really like the name "jordan" or "taylor" which are pretty much unisex names these days as they go both ways on about a 50/50 basis, it's more like jan or shannon: two names that on the rare occasion may be used on males (typically of scandanavian or irish descent), but more likely than not are what we like to call girly names here in the states.

alright, unfurrow your brow. in this day and age, we should all be able to get used to guys with feminine names. well, that's what you'd think, but it wasn't that long ago that aimee got an email from a friend of ours who is now living in denmark where she, apparently for the first time in her life, encountered a man named kim. she thought this was some strange euro thing. so strange to her was it that she emailed aim not knowing her dad's name is "kim" and said something to the effect of:" ... and we met this guy named 'kim'... whoever heard of a guy named kim???" funny thing is, not only is aim's dad named kim, but i have an uncle named "kim" and another one named "jan." so, i am perfectly used to being surrounded by strong male role models named after their moms. just kidding, that's not what my grandma's name was... kimjan, seriously? my grandma's name was jeraldine, and she went by "jerry" sometimes, which is a common guy's name by the way. go figure.

anyway, back to the email... i actually read the email before aim read it because i typically screen all of her emails. actually, i don't and i'm not sure why it is that i read the email first, but i did. let's leave it at that for the sake of my marriage, por favor. and because i am who i am, i had to shoot off some snide reply to our friend to let her know that not only is "kim" the name of aim's dad and my uncle but that we were both highly offended that she found the name of "kim" to be so amusing for a man. in fact, i told her aim was so offended that she couldn't even reply to the email. i laughed at my humor, like i usually do, and then sent the email. so easily amused. we haven't heard from our denmark friends since... just kidding, we just had dinner with them a couple of weeks ago. man, i'm funny.

my point is that having a unisex name can have its benefits. for example, my uncle kim once got a letter from his insurance company approving some surgical procedure like getting his fallopian tubes tied or getting a hysterectomy or something like that. i mean, what guy doesn't want a free tying of his fallopian tubes or a hysterectomy? how many guys can say they have had that done besides those pregnant man freaks who have been in the news lately? thing is those whack jobs really had to get pregnant and go through child birth and 9 months of pregnancy and all the concomitant glory to get their procedures done. all you other guys with unisex names can bypass the pregnancy woes and get the work done for free, well for free plus your deductible.

i know my father-in-law can be a little sensitive about his name and this is why i bring it up: so kim can know that even someone as masculine as myself... read: a guy who blogs... can find it within himself to respect a man named "kim;" especially on his birthday. and not only do i respect kim, i admire and and commend him for surviving so many years in a house where pms was an everyday round the clock reality as there were 4, sometimes 5, women under that roof at any given moment. no offense ladies, i've heard the stories and it couldn't have been easy... just the auto insurance, traffic ticket, and car repair costs alone would make jack bauer cower in fear. and that's not even counting make-up, weddings, and wardrobes. so, kim, from someone with as manly as a name as "jeremy," i salute you and your life's work. in the truest sense of the phrase, you are the man... named kim.

a little more on kim. kim grew up in idaho on a farm. i personally believe he is a farmer at heart and would prefer to wake up and work the fields everyday. instead he has settled for a shirt and tie type job as a stock broker. so, he's a humble worker at heart and yet he's smart, savvy businessman as well. in addition to that, kim seems to be one of the most patient and compassionate guys i know. he was such a good example of a husband and father to my wife that he has made my life that much more difficult. i am constantly trying to get out from behind the lengthy shadow kim has caste upon me in my wife's eyes, but i'm a better man, husband, and father because of it (in my opinion, although aim's may differ). lastly, while all these things i have mentioned about kim are great traits and characteristics to have, none of them are as noteworthy as his defining lifetime accomplishment: the creation of his own dialect.

maybe it was on the frozen plains of idaho, maybe it was during the market crashes of the eighties, or maybe kim was present when the tower of bable was struck down... man may never know; but, at some point over the course of one stanley kim hodges' life (i forgot to mention that kim's real first name is "stanley." i won't go there), a new, and until very recently unrecorded, language came to fruition. i like to refer to this dialect as "kimisms," but you can call it what you like. at any rate, in celebration of one of the greatest guys i know, i would like to share the culmination of my life's work (not nearly as great as creating a dialect): my efforts to record this rarely heard audio treat.

i am your rosetta stone to the tongue of kim. thus, with a heartfelt "happy birthday," i present to you straight from the hodges family vault for first time public viewing: kimisims (coming soon... i have to type out the book of kim... don't let that frost your cookies (you'll soon see what that means)).


never fear, that's not all i've got for you in this post. tonight you are getting a two for one deal as today we are also celebrating the birthday of my younger brother, kendall. funny that kendall is a unisex name, too. but enough of that nonsense. kendall is a special guy who, on the surface, can be summed up in about eleven words: james bond, video games, lakers, texting, rebels, cooking, books and unfiltered public commentary/acts. well, eleven words and 658 sub-explanatory words. here, take a gander:

james bond. kendall is a james bond freak. he's watched all the movies, read all the books and then watched and read them all again. kendall knows more than any person should ever know about james bond and that includes ian flemming.

video games. kendall's a gamer. he is the dream child for every parent whoever hoped to have a son earn a living playing video games. who knows, he still may someday.

lakers. kendall loves the lakers but i am sure you already know this since he has probably sent you several texts on multiple occasions letting you know as much.

texting. see previous comment. he likes to do it.

rebels. see comment previous to previous comment and insert "rebels" in place of lakers.

cooking. kendall has developed into an exceptional cook and we all enjoy having him around because he treats us to his various delicacies... just don't touch that grated cheese or other pizza toppings.

books. kendall has read more books than i wish i could read although he doesn't really read any books that i would read if i spent more time reading... but that's what makes him kendall, we wouldn't have it any other way.

unfiltered public commentary/acts. i won't go into too much detail here since i am trying to maintain somewhat of a classy feel to the cooperfive blog as i'm sure you have noticed; but, i will mention that sometimes it seems as though kendall's sense of humor got lost somewhere in the halls of keeny guinn jr. high and never found its way out. what's more is he liberally shares this sense of humor with the casual bystander who is fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of kendall the comedian.

typically, kendall will go through phases where he uses a one-liner over and over and over... he rivals bryson for repetition. there was the "kiss my butt" phase that jeff and i remember all too well and then there was the "oj simpson" "does anybody love me?" phases that i "unfortunately" missed while living in argentina, but heard all about a continent away. and how can i forget the faux and actual belching as well as other bodily gaseous sounds kendall has become quite adept at producing?

there have also been times when kendall has repeated acts that might be fine in the locker room or in a detention cell at county jail, but not so much in public when among mixed company or even in the presence of recently joined in-law members of the family. one such act was bestowed upon my lovely wife many moons ago, pun intended. as you can guess, the act was one the kids like to call "mooning." apparently, kendall never got the memo that mooning someone is not necessarily a stellar way to make a first impression, but i don't think it would have mattered even if he had received the memo... it wouldn't have stopped him, such a rebel (see above). either way, it definitely didn't matter one beautiful summer morning in the greater cooper family household during the young and tender years of aimee and jeremy's nascent marriage on a weekend visit to vegas. oh, the sights one can behold in las vegas...

i remember things quite well, but probably not nearly as well as aimee who was scarred for life, but all in all it was memorable. it was one of those mornings where things were rather, shall i say, hectic in the cooper house. and by hectic, i mean loud and out of control... not atypical for a cooper, but very atypical for a hodges. thus, the family was overwhelming the wife... both of which are easy to do: my family being overwhelming and aimee being overwhelmed. in her heightened state of anxiety, aimee must of been on the brink of a nervous break down and kendall must have noticed this because for some reason only he and the almighty know, kendall apparently thought it would be helpful to ease aim's tensions by sharing with her a not-so-private viewing of his backside. and with that he all at once dropped trow not more than 5 feet away from my innocent and unsuspecting lass.

for me, who was used to it, and my juvenile sense of humor, it was somewhat funny and a bit of a tension breaker. for aim, who was not used to it and did not have the kind of brothers who did this type of stuff (at least not at home), a full moon from kendall was something akin to witnessing the birth of satan incarnate. i still jovially remember the distressed and utterly shocked look of disbelief and offense on aim's face as she joltingly jeered at k-dog's cheeks and then turned to look at me as if to say "'do something about this' and 'how can you laugh at such sophomoric humor?'" and then back at the cheeks again (why the double take, babe?). she was literally speechless and expressionless. her breath had been taken away, but not in the tom cruise sort of way. in fact, quite the opposite. you could not have used a vulgar or debase enough expression right then to illicit a more incredulous reaction from aim in that very moment. welcome to the family, babe.

so, that about sums kendall up, that and that fact that he is a great guy with an incredible heart. he is a wonderful helper and is always up for a good chat. kendall, you, too, are the man. happy birthday to you, big guy, and may you have many more opportunities to share that glorious moon of yours with the rest of the world. we should all be so lucky.