ode to j and k: polar opposites attract

i have been meaning to drop this post for a while now. my parents celebrated their 85th wedding anniversary, or something like that, on 12/21/08. as my father likes to point out, 12/21 is the first day of the winter solstice and the longest night of the year. he likes to act as though he intentionally picked that night as their wedding night for what should be obvious reasons. truth is, the length of the night had nothing to do with their choice of date. knowing mom and dad, 12/21 was the only day they could squeeze in between trips to mississippi. at any rate, big jeff has gotten a lot of mileage out of his clever remark regarding their wedding date.

so, with that in mind, and only a month and 6 days late, i am finally getting around to wishing my parents a happy 68th wedding anniversary. for those of you who know jeff and kenna, you've probably wondered more than once if their union was the result of an arranged marriage. i somewhat jest, but i would be remiss if i didn't comment to some degree on just how different these two people are.

for instance, just how wide the divide is between jeff and kenna can be pretty well understood by taking a look at their working-out routines. big jeff is an early morning treadmiller. he gets up every morning at around 4 am and hops on the treadmill for his daily two to three mile jog and when i say jog what i really mean is something more like a pulsating, heart pounding run for his life. a leisurely trot or a casual stroll won't cut it for big j... the man only knows one speed: overdrive. as such, he sets the treadmill to its fastest speed, raises the incline to the max and goes to town. he pushes it and he pushes it hard, so hard that he has to grab hold to the side rails to keep from flying off the back. sweat flies, cheeks turn red, facial lines crease and foreheads furrow with strain as he fights his way through it.

so intense is his running session, my wife once talked to a guy who worked out in the gym where my dad ran while we were on vacation (yes, he doesn't let up during vacation). when he realized my dad was aim's father in law while she was down running, he surprisingly said "that guy's your father in law? he's an animal. i was in here the other morning and he was on the treadmill going so fast and holding on so tight as if for dear life i had to go over and ask him if he was alright. i thought he was stuck...i was worried he couldn't stop and was going to hurt himself. i even offered to push the stop button for him or pull the plug." big jeff said he was ok in grunt language. are you getting the picture?

on the flip side of the equation is kenna jo. in k-wad's case, i have only seen her run once in my 33 years of life while she was trying to catch a plane in buffalo, new york (that's a story for another day). she ran for about 10 yards and then doubled over on the verge of tears declaring that the strain was more than she could bear. 10 yards. no joke. are you getting the picture? well, here, let me add to it...

my dad's treadmill was always in the master bedroom up until recently. next to the treadmill sits a nice piece of equipment i like to call the loafer's exercise bike. a loafer's exercise bike is one of those exercise bikes that is essentially a la-z boy recliner with pedals. the loafer bike has one of those long back rests that you can kind of just kick back against while moving your legs up and down to make it look like you are exercising. this is how kenna jo works out: laid back on the loafer bike, cruising along with the no resistance wheel setting locked in, and controlled breathing measures in full effect. such is the routine for my dear mom.

thus, picture if you will, big jeff on the tread mill running like a bat out of hell, but with more sweat and strain, while kenna moseys along at her own pace and takes in more moisture than she loses. and that, my friends, is a fairly accurate glimpse into the dichotomy that is jeff and kenna.

in all seriousness though, mom and dad are singular individuals.

big jeff fancies himself as the blue collar guy working in a white collar world. he puts his head down and trudges through the quagmire of the professional sector only wanting to get the job done, while the wise guy smileys and car selling sycophants of the world presume to take all the credit. he's not in it for the glory. he grunts, he laughs, and he's sometimes non-responsive as a result of his more controllable than he'd like you to think ability to selectively listen (thanks to a bad ear). he respects hard workers and struggles with the big mouths that make promises they can't deliver on. he's the rocky balboa from rocky one, and maybe two, who peels himself off the mat everyday to take on the appollo creeds and clubber langs of the world only to start over and do the same thing again the next day.

kenna jo, on the other hand, is the consummate beauty queen contestant and life is her pageant. if kenna jo could sing her way through life as if performing in a road show, she'd win an oscar and be translated. she's the former model turned stay-at-home mom who never cared much about cooking, sewing, or cleaning (that's not to say she got better at one of those things later on), but who are we kidding anyway? we know full well, as big jeff likes to remind us, certain things can be learned, while others cannot. kenna can smile at just about anything and has an uncanny ability to stay positive. she sings with a curler in her hair, she works out in the pool with styrofoam weights to paula abdul and she loves to be pampered more than she might admit. she's princess aurora from sleeping beauty jovially wandering in the woods and singing melodically to the cute little animals nearby while safe in the knowledge that her fairy godmothers are there to take care of her.

these are the people that raised me. perhaps that explains some things. never mind that though, all in all i think they did a pretty good job and continue to do so. with that, i will say thank you mom and dad for your examples and for your love and your care. thank you for your streak of 45 years of marriage and what it means to me as your son. i anticipate many more years of wedding anniversary celebrations on your and your offsprings' behalf.