a couple days from the district: another cooper family field trip

for starters, aim heard about my last blog post before she read about it... yes, that is how fast word travels in the cooperfive universe. first off, given the number of comments on my last post, i guess i underestimated the total number of members in my young readers fan club and sensitive readers fan club. to that i say, good for you... don't ever compromise your standards, not even for the blogmaster.

secondly, i can understand aim's reservations in what used to be the very private nature of our lives all of sudden becoming very public information. that being said, she needs to understand that the second she made the decision to take part in the photo shoot that landed her that first big break on the walls of walmart, she gave up the safe and easy comforts of private life.

seriously, what did she expect? a walmart wall model and a semi-professional blogger... that's the kind of stuff gossip columns, newspaper social sections, people magazine and tmz are made of. regardless, we're willing to give up our privacy for your benefit... i consider it our way of giving back to the public. i can't imagine the lot of you getting by each day without knowing what kinds of unimportant decisions the cooperfive are making. speaking of which, today i went with black pants, white shirt, no jacket, made some grits for breakfast, grilled cheese for lunch, and drove the santa fe to church. stay tuned...

along those lines, i feel compelled to share with you a few tidbits from our recent trip to wachington dc since the cooperfive never goes on vacation from its blog zombies.

a couple weeks ago the larger cooper family did an adults only vacation to our nation's capital: washington dc (and i use "adults only" in a non-vegas sort of way)compliments of big jeff and special k... thanks again! the adult section of the larger cooper family consists of j and k, their six kids and the five spouses of the five of their kids who are married... most of whom i have made fun of at some point on the blog (in-laws and blood relatives alike... i am an equal-maker-funner-of'ist).

the larger cooper family, or the cooperthirteen as i will refer to them herein, is an interesting mix of differing personalties. unfortunately, i don't have time to go into the dynamics of each personality, so will do the next best thing which is to describe a cooperthirteen family vacation.

first off, i think it's important to distinguish between a cooper thirteen family vacation and a cooperthirteen family field trip and to clarify that our recent excursion to the district was more of the latter than the former. i say field trip instead of vacation because scehdules and punctuality are things that should have no place in a vacation... field trip, yes, vacation, no. needless to say, cooper family field trips are sometimes overly dominated by schedules and punctuality. big jeff runs a tight ship while we're out on the prowl and wo unto that poor unfortunate soul who decides to run afoul of the golden rule (he who has the gold makes the rules as well as the time to be up and out the door each morning).

no cooperthirteen vacation would be complete without one or more of the g2 coopers (second generation) running behind schedule and big jeff not being too happy about it. it just wouldn't feel right. a fixture of a c13 vacation is the inevitable call from special k (kenna) the night before a big day of activities reminding us for the third time that we need to be up and ready to leave, which includes already having eaten breakfast and being out on the curb waiting for the shuttle, by 7:30 am). just for the record, i'm not complaining, i'm just documenting for posterity's sake.

nor would a cooperthirteen vacation be complete without multiple embarassing events taking place, each of which being specific to a certain person or couple, that the remaining members of the clan will never, ever, ever, let you forget. generally, these types of events emanate from my mom, but we've all had our fair share of the unforgiving moments we would rather forget. maybe sometime i'll tell you about our trip to salem that took place around five or six years ago since it still seems to be pretty fresh in everyone's minds, but for purposes of this post that's neither here nor there.

so, again, for posterity's sake, here are some of the gems from the dc spectacular that will not soon be forgotten:

2nd runner up: the cooperthirteen showing up to the smithsonian before it opened. but wait, that's not all... take a guess, how early do you think we were? 15 minutes, a half hour, an hour? try 1.5 hours early. we were so early, while we were sitting down outside the building because we couldn't get in, someone from the museum came outside and said, "you know, the museum doesn't open to the public for another hour and a half." yes, we understand, but we're on a schedule.

in our defense, we were waiting for the curator to give us a private tour before the museum actually opened, but we were even early for that. besides, this isn't the first time this has happened: zoos, disneyland, walmart, etc. are just some of the few locations that have felt the presence of the cooperthirtteen well before their doors were opened to the public... it's vintage cooperthirteen family vacation stuff.




1st runner up: aim's comment at ben's chili bowl. for those who aren't quite as urban as the cooperthirteen, ben's chili bowl is some kind of greasy spoon black mecca joint where apparently every famous black person who has ever existed has eaten at some point (including president obama). this eating estalbishment was recommended to us by former dc resident and current blog zombie megan, but was also somewhat of a must for a certain brother-in-law of mine who felt he had a nirvana-like first vision type experience within the restaurant's hallowed walls as he harkened back to his turbulent upbringing on the streets of orem, utah where that indelible connection he has with the african american community was likely forged... or maybe it was byu.

apparently, eating in the presence of walls plastered with pictures of barry obama, al sharpton and bill cosby has that affect on some people... it definitely made the food taste better than it probably would have if the pics would have been a bunch of stuffy republicans. in all seriousness, the food was pretty good and i'm all for boosting the street cred of the cooperfive in whatever way i can... word. i digress.

anyway, back to aim's comment. so, we're pretty much the only white people in the place and the waitress is taking our order. everyone's ordering some milkshakes and the waitress gets to aim:

aim: "what flavor do you recommend?"

waitress: "chocolate strawberry is good."

aim: "i'm kind of leaning toward the pina colada, but this seems more like a chocolate kind of place. i'll go with the chocolate banana."

no further questions, your honor.



grand prize winner: as expected, the odds-on favorite to run away with this year's most embarassing moment on the cooperthirteen family field trip did not disappoint. yes, ladies and gentlemen, the venerable kenna cooper ran away with the grand prize for the umpteenth consecutive time; however, this time, she really outdid herself.

picture this, a tour of the library of congress led by a tour guide without arms. that's right, no arms... pretty much from the shoulders down. both sides. very obvious to anyone who wasn't blind.

to the guide's credit, he was an excellent guide and seemed to be very gregarious and accomplished in spite of his disability. he had obviosuly overcome much and defied the odds to be where he was.

so adept was the guide at his job and ability to function in public that, apparently, he gave the impression that he was able to overcome just about anything... which may be why my mom felt it would be ok to ask him to take a picture of the family on the upper level of the library for us. let me be clear here, the man had no arms...not even prothestic limbs, and it was very obvious. it was probably no big deal though, i'm sure as an armless man he gets people asking him to take pictures for them all the time... probably as often as he gets people asking him to hold their kids while they use the restroom... except that it most likely never happens, unless of course you're lucky enough to have kenna jo in your tour group.

as i alluded to earlier, the guide seemed to be a pretty resilient guy and, as such, the request by my mom seemed to roll right off him as he offered to find someone to take the picture. for all we know, he may have cried himself to sleep that night, but i doubt it... most likely he took at as a compliment that his overall competency led my mom to believe he could do anything including take a picture, at least that's what some of us were telling ourselves after my mom asked him to do just that.

well done, mother. well done.



in closing, let me, again, say thank you to jeff and kenna for our adventures in the district. it had been a while since i had been there... in fact, i think reagan was president the last time i was there; however, i don't remember nearly as much paraphenelia for him as there seemed to be for barry obama this time around. seriously, it was like being at disneyland and you-know-who was mickey mouse. every museum, every street vendor, whole stores in strip malls all decicated to selling the latest in barry and michelle trinkets and knick knacks. i wouldn't have been surprised to have found the donkey-teers sitting on the steps of the capital singing: b-a-r-a-c-k o-b-a-m-a! barrak obama! etc. (i could have fun with that one... something about holding keeping the national debt high, high, high comes to mind... sorry, megan, i can't resist... it's my mom coming out in me).

actually, some of the highlights included: the jefferson memorial, the lincoln memorial, the vietnam memorial, the korean war memorial, the fdr memorial, the world war II memorial (and that was all just in the first night), the library of congress, the press club, capitol steps, ben's chili bowl, the smithsonian, the eastern market, the newseum, the capital. it was a lot of good stuff in a short amount of time. it will certainly go down in the annals of memorable cooperthirteen family excursions.

check out the pics.

and along came caleb

i promised a couple posts back that i would share a quick little story about caleb's birth and how he was not there one minute and then all of a sudden, bam, there he was. seeing as how caleb just had his fifth birthday, it seems appropriate that i share that story now, along with his birth announcement poem and a few pics from the party. as usual, i apologize to anyone reading this blog who did not receive an invite to the party... we do the best we can to include as many people as we can.

for starters, the story (disclaimer: this portion of the post may not be suitable for younger readers. unfortunately, all of the members of my teenage fan club should jump ahead to the poem. also, some of my more sensitive readers may want to jump ahead as well. thus, members of the sensitive cooperfive readers club, should also skip ahead or prepare to be offended).

so, caleb's arrival was somewhat sudden. not quite as sudden as jameson's, but sudden nonetheless. if i recall, and correct me if i'm wrong, aim, i was attending a check-up doctor's visit thing with aim when she was about 8 months along in the pregnancy. it's important to note that all this took place while we were living in san jose and that the doctor was a polish lady with a very thick polish accent. for the record, aim loved her.

anyway, we're in there getting checked up, aim moreso than me, when all of a sudden the doctor discovers that aim's water had broken and super cabes was on his way out. at once the mood changed and my paternal instinct kicked in as various thoughts/concerns started racing through my mind about being prepared for the arrival.

one of the first thoughts that came to me in my heightened sense of personal deliberation was something that the doctor had said in reference to the increased potential for infection once a woman's water has broken. i thought to myself, well then, it's a good thing her water just broke and the boy was going to be delivered not long thereafter. but then, the overly precautious side of me considered every contingency and recalled the birth of our first son and how when aim's water broke, she wasn't sure if her water had broken... go figure. apparently, it's not as obvious as a dumb jock like myself would think.

so then, it occurred to me, maybe aim's water had broken the night before since, coincidentally, aim and i had had some special adult time together... if you know what i mean. if that did in fact happen (the part about the water breaking that is, i'm quite certain the adult time did happen), then perhaps aim and caleb were facing the possibility of serious infection. at least that was the message the male synapses were sending throughout my all-boy brain.

at that point i began to fear for the well-being of my wife and incoming child. i whispered to aim that perhaps we should tell dr. polish woman that we had engaged in adult activities the night before just to be safe... i mean, we're all adults here, but, seriously, shouldn't the wife be the one who breaks that kind of news to another woman... much less a woman who's her doctor? not so, my friend... either aim wasn't as worried about it as i was or she was just as embarassed as i was. she'll never tell... the truth at least.

given the current state of things that moment, i realized time was of the essence as this kid was coming and every second we waited was another moment the infection was spreading like a vicious juggernaut who knew no bounds. thus, i set aside my pride, cleared my throat and just asked without any kind of forewarning...

me: "uh, doctor, we had sexual intercourse last night." (for the record, yes, those were my exact words... even the "uh")

silence. crickets chirping.
nurse glances over from behind the doctor smiling uncontrollably.

doctor (in a very thick polish accent): "well, good for you!"

me: sheepish grin, very much aware of the fact that i'm the only guy in the room.

aim: i don't know him, he's not the father, i just picked him up at le mas (sp?) class 'cause i needed a partner.

it was a little awkward, but it gave me some peace of mind... plus, i was able to use proper language out of respect for the chicks in the room.

and with that, caleb made his grand entrance into the world. funny thing is, i almost missed it as i was off leaving jameson at a friend's house during which time aim had to walk from the doctor's office to the hospital across the street since we were running out of time (yes, she was in labor walking across the street). all in all, the delivery seemed pretty fast and easy compared to jameson's as it only took about twenty minutes. what's important is that it wasn't too hard on me... and i think aim did alright, as well.

so, with that, i present to you caleb's birth announcement poem:

the origin of superbaby
by jeremy cooper

it was the thick of the summer,
the stars were aligning
and plans for an arrival
the coopers designing

for boy wonder was coming
but not soon enough
or maybe too soon
'cause he came in the buff

after restlessly waiting,
the days elongating
nor cal's need for a hero
was at last dissapating

for evil forces lurked near
planning things we'll not mention
from the legion of doom
to the donkey convention

but how could such malice
our little one combat
for he was so tiny
just hair and baby fat

so we called gramps and grams
for some elderly advice
and they all came to examine
our little home slice

"perhaps," thought grandma kenna,
"it's his voice that's unique
he'll sing bad guys away
with his boyish mystique!"

"fat chance!" gasped grandpa jeff
pulling the plug on her suggestion
"the very thought alone
gives me slight indigestion."

grandma gaylin guessed for sure
he'd use his hair like a web,
catch villans by the dozen,
lock them up on his head

but with none of these ideas
having come to fruition
i thought to myself
so much for women's intuition!

i then wondered if we'd ever
discover this boys power?
what makes him incredible
was the quandry of the hour

but, sadly it was time
for the grandfolks to go
and with gentle kisses on soft cheeks
something started to flow

seismic rumblings then abounded
of other wordly proportions
deafening all within reach
of their bombastic distortion

in short, cheese was cut
the wind, it was broken
our tears, they were shed
caleb's bum... it was smokin'

"at last!" we rejoiced,
"his gift's become plain!"
but grandpa kim quickly quipped,
"wait, i need to explain:"

"alas, fierce flatulence
is common for my kin.
while impressive, not quite super
thus, we'll have to try again."

so, as the dust slowly settled,
my mind began to meddle
without super powers
is this babe forgettable?

but a gift beyond fantastic
it was just to have the little "bub"
and so i thought to myself,
"ay, there's the rub:

he doesn't need x-ray vision
or a cape to be super.
he is who he is,
'nuff said, he's a cooper!"

our precious gift from the heavens,
number two of eleven!
(i'm just kidding aim,
i know we're stopping at seven).

father's day in the house of cooper

alright, so i've already gone off the beaten path of scheduled blog posts i laid out in my last post. sorry, jason. can someone call tv guide and straighten out the order for me, please?

today was a splendid day to celebrate the figurehead of our ever-changing patriarchal society. for some it is met with utter glee, while for others... not so much. as for me and myself, i woke up not looking forward to celebrating father’s day since father's day brings about all the comparisons to the seemingly perfect dads i then hear about for the rest of the day. how much idealism can one very ordinary man put up with?

i for one know I struggle when i go to church and see all the other perfect dads with their perfect figures, perfect hair, brand new father’s day outfits... not to mention their perfectly behaved kids all wearing matching clothes just off the rack from some outrageously priced trendy kids clothing store, and their hair combed ever so stylishly in the latest trendy fashion.

and that’s all before the talks even start and the many examples of multi-faceted husbands come out... you know, the ones who bake fresh bread at home, can peaches grown in their in their 5 car garages, decorate their homes to the nines with the latest pottery barn decor, sew all their kids’ clothes that they don't buy at the aforementioned trendy stores, compile enough food storage for at least a decade, home school their kids, have an arts and crafts hour every day with the kids, and only prepare ultra healthy/green meals with food bought from whole foods or local farms within a one mile radius of their homes.

oh, did I forget to mention that these same men somehow find time to read their scriptures daily, do yoga daily, scrapbook daily, blog daily, workout/jog daily, watch oprah religiously, and read the classics and the likes of twilight daily without the slightest indication that all of this is more than they can bare? well, hearing about all this is almost more than i can bare and, as such, i generally dread father’s day.

to say the least, it is rough on a guy like me. i hear so much about these accomplishments and accolades, i figure i need to be doing each one of them not only to be adequate as a father and worthy of a father’s day celebration, but also to attain the highest degree of celestial glory. unfortunately, i’m ashamed to admit that i am falling short in one or more of the areas listed above.

so, to further illustarte my shortcomings as a father, i will share with you for the first time ever on the world wide web an experience i had that seriously called into question my fatherly abilities. you will never look at me the same again and you'll probably never ask us to watch your kids again, which may not be such a bad thing for us.

the experience i am talking about took place a little over two years ago. colston had just been born and we had just moved into our new house, so it seemed like the perfect time to leave aim at home for some alone time with the kids while i went out to the lake with some other family members to do some wakeboarding. actually, i wasn’t that clueless, i did go to the lake, but i took caleb and jameson with me and left aim with coles.

after an afternoon on the lake, the boys and i headed home. thinking i would be efficient in carrying out the day's activities, i decided to stop by target on the way back from the lake to return some items i had purchased for the house that just weren’t working out for us. eventually, we arrived at target and, of course the boys were fast asleep in the car. they looked so peaceful and quiet that i literally feared the thought of having to wake them up, load them and the stuff into a cart, and then drag them and the stuff all in to the store just to return it. it was march and the weather was cool, so i thought i could just crack the windows, run in real fast, return the stuff and be done with it before they even noticed. the lake water must have gotten to me. just for the record, i woke up jameson really quickly before i ran in, told him what i was doing and to not open the door for anyone under any circumstances.

so, i was off to return the goods, but before making my way to customer service, i somehow got distracted and thought i’d quickly check on a few other things we were thinking about purchasing . about a half an hour later i start noticing the target people paging someone on the intercom, but i can’t understand the name, so i don’t really pay much attention to it and head to the customer service area to return some items and purchase the new set of goods.

as i'm making my purchases/returns, i notice a security guy come up to the desk and ask the customer service people to page target customer, jeremy. all of a sudden my ears perk up and i nervously inform them that my name’s jeremy at which point the security guy asks if i left a couple of kids in my car in the parking lot. “yes,” i timidly answered. “do you know that’s illegal?” he then asked. “no,” i cluelessly replied. “metro’s on their way and they want to talk to you,” he informed me.

great, i thought, as my heart dropped… aimee’s going to love this. at once, i left my spot in line and headed out to the car to grab the kids which i did and then brought them back inside to finish up with my purchases (i couldn't just leave the stuff there).

keep in mind, we had just come from the lake and so i was in my flip flops, swimming trunks and a t-shirt that didn’t match in the middle of march. furthermore, my hair had this kind of stay-soft ‘fro look going on that comes about as the result of cruising around on the lake all afternoon. in other words, my very appearance, combined with my actions, may have raised some concerns among the rent-a-cops.

no big deal, i was ready to face to music and make good with the powers that be. i wasn’t going to let this drag me down, i was going to do everything within my power to clear my good name of any unscrupulous taint my behavior may have caused that day… except that when i finished purchasing all my stuff and metro hadn’t shown up yet and the rent-a-cops weren't holding me for interrogation, i decided it was ok to leave. i just figured they had realized this whole thing was just a big misunderstanding and were willing to let me go my own way so i could wallow in the shame i had already experienced.

so, i did and we headed out to the car, got loaded up, hopped into our seats (of course, i buckled the kids up first… what kind of a dad do you think i am?), and just as i turned the key in the ignition and fired up the engine i heard a tap-tap on my window. it was the security officer. i rolled down the window. he said that metro was on their way and that i needed to stay because they wanted to talk to me. looking back, i now think they thought i was abducting the kids and i can respect that, they’re just doing their job.

on that note, i killed the engine and patiently waited to clear up this tiny misunderstanding with the fuzz and if not, i was ready to spend some time on the inside and build up some street cred for the cooperfive. i was in need of a tatoo or two to show everyone just how committed to blogging i really am... maybe a tear drop under my eye, maybe a barbed wire strap on my bicep, maybe a portrait of aimee on my pectoral, maybe even something really original like some esoteric marking on my lower back (no one has those).

a few minutes passed and all of a sudden my delusions of prison grandeur were interrupted by two squad cars entering the parking lot of the shopping center. the cars made their way over to me at an average parking lot level speed, but seemed to have honed in on me as a suspect at some point as they immediately sped up with lights and sirens blazing while heading my way. i started getting a little squirmish in my seat and began looking around for the crew of cops to see if i was giong to be on tv because this sure seemed like a big production all of a sudden.

my heart rate then jumped a couple of levels as the police cars parked in front of me as if carrying out some sting operation and the doors flew open, with the lights still going, and three or four cops made their way towards me. needless to say, the boys were wide awake and very interested in what was going on at this point while i was suddenly plagued with visions of me, torn away from my offspring, handcuffed and powerless from the back of a squad car, watching the boys on my way down town.

to wrap this thing up and spare you the suspense, let me just say that it pays to live by the law of the land. my clean record and, likely my charismatic charm, got me out of that mess. actually, i got pretty nervous and when i look back at how dumb i was to have left the boys alone in the car, i feel as though i completely deserved the anxiety i experienced that afternoon. but, never again; however, just for the record… it’s not illegal to leave your kids in the car alone as long as there is someone of a reasonable age with them. jameson was seven at the time, which is sketchy, but with a competent lawyer i would have been out of the joint on good behavior after two years.

my friends, this is the kind of story that needs to be told on father’s day. it keeps my humble as well as in touch with the streets.

all jesting aside, i had a wonderful father’s day. aim made some delicious breakfast for me and gave me a very well written and thought out letter in which she got all literary genius on me. it's truly a shame that mrs. blogmaster does not grace the zombies more often with her writing prowess on this the family blog.
final note, to all the dads in the house, keep on keeping strong, but don’t leave your kids in the car no matter how fast you think you’ll be unless you're pretty sure you can get away with it because you probably can at least once as long as you don't have any citations against you.

an evening at chuck e. cheeze's: caleb turns five

yesterday was caleb's 5th birthday. it was a fun day for him. caleb had literally been talking about/anticipating his 5th birthday for the 17 months prior to it. needless to say he was excited. first off he was excited because grandma hodges was in town and she was going to take him to lunch at the venue of his choice: a mcdonalds with a play area. i think he got a happy meal while there, but food is a burden to the frolicking five year old faced with the splendid options of crawl-through tubular tunnels, winding slides, plastic ball pits and the like. unfortunately, i could not make the luncheon, but i trust he thoroughly enjoyed himself. thanks, grandma h.

later that evening we planned to take caleb to dinner as a family at the venue of his choice... and his choice, of course, was none other than: mcdonalds with a play area. i was a little bummed at this suggestion as mcdonalds is only tied for third on my list of birthday restaurants (fyi: it is tied for third with sushi fever) and i was hoping we might spring for a something a little more appetizing to me. aim was bummed, too... she was hoping for california pizza kitchen since we had some coupons. turns out none of us got our wish as jameson poisoned caleb's ear with the prospect of chuck e. cheeze's and caleb responded quite favorably. all of sudden i was lobbying for mcdonalds, aim was insisting on ca pizza kitch, but it was too late... the thought of chuck e. cheeze's had already latched on to caleb's impressionable mind and it wasn't going anywhere.

here's the thing, back when i was a kid and chuck e. cheeze's first came out, it was something magical. it was a really, really, really poor man's version of disneyland in my prepubescent mind. of course, that was back when the company actually invested some serious resources into it... back when you could step into a plastic ball pit and not worry about the prick of a hypodermic needle or the squish squash of human feces.

i remember the first time i went to chuck's with my grandpa and thought i had stepped into charlie's chocolate factory... there was video game after video game, grips of pizza, ski ball runs that actually worked, good toys you could get with your tickets, etc. all that was missing were the umpa lumpas and veruca salt.

those were the glory years of chuck e. cheeze's and i remember them fondly. now, chuck e. cheeze's is a really, really, really poor man's version of a nicklecade on welfare. "loathe" is the word that comes to mind when a trip to chuck e. cheeze's is decided upon. this case was no different, but, after all, this was for caleb... not me, so i would try to be an adult about it.

thus, we went and things were off to a bad start when we tried to order pizza and were summarily told that the ovens were not working and no pizza, sandwiches or pretty much any other food besides french fies was available. not good, aim and i were hungry, and unlike our kids, we need to be fed in order to maintain a pleasant disposition. our kids, on the other hand, never intended to eat from the get-go... they simply lure us into chuck e. cheeze's based on the hollow promise that they will eat and then scatter throughout the selection of misfit video games that can't cut it in the real world of gaming.

for those who aren't familiar with the fine recreational/eating establishment more commonly known as chuck e. cheeze's, it's kind of like a third world orphanage for video games that no one wants. half the games are out of order and the other half haven't been fun since 1982... i don't even think amish kids would want to play the likes of these games.

our kids, on the other hand, love the games there mostly because they are awarded tickets from them that they can redeem for over the counter trash... actually, trash may have more value than the toys they offer. for example, if you have something like 100 tickets, you can exchange them for one of those plastic spider rings you can't get enough of for free during halloween. if you have around 2 million tickets, you may be able to barter for a framed picture of menudo or a plastic gumball machine china won't even allow to be sold to its people.

cashing in the tickets is always the highlight of the evening for the young ones as their hard work on the video games is about to pay off in tangible rewards. last night, however, the ticket cash-in event was merely the drilling of a cavity following the injection of a dentist's needle to numb the area that's about to receive the pain. not only were aim and i hungry, not only were we tired, not only we were watching the tweener employees of chuck e. cheeze's delivering pizza to the tables of the patrons (i thought the oven didn't work?), not only was caleb insisting on getting an item he didn't have even close to enough tickets for, not only did i feel like i needed to take a bath in hand sanitizer because of the slimy film that seems to permeate every solid object within the restaurant's wall, but there was only one person simultaneously working the ticket counter and the cash register up front. never mind that there was a line of impatient parents and geeked out kids forming at the ticket counter, four or five other employees were too busy replacing the sliced carrots in the overpriced and underused salad bar to help out. lovely. hey, manager, don't go out of your way to actually improve the experience of chuck's patrons, redeeming tickets is beneath you... afterall, there are carrots to replenish.

so, we sat and waited, but i knew we were in trouble when the girl running the ticket counter pulled out a ten key to calculate ticket amounts (no joke and for those of you who didn't grow up with a parent who worked as an accountant, a ten key is like a calculator on steroids). one minute she was there redeeming tickets, then she was gone, taking a food order at the cash register.

my patience was wearing thin and then even thinner when i noticed other families making their way forward to the counter and not respecting the integrity of the line we had formed. what is it with line etiquette with some people? seriously! what is the thought process going through someone's mind when they see an area where a line is necessary, people are already standing in line patiently waiting their turn, and someone just decides to walk up to the counter, completely ignoring the line, and then just wait for an employee to attended to him/her? i don't get it. where's the fire? are your kid's tickets about to self-destruct? are you chuck e. cheeze royalty or something? how about waiting in the que like the rest of us?

about 10 minutes passed... ok, maybe five, but it felt like 10 and no degree of begging or cajoling could get the boys to abandon their hearts' true desire of getting that watermelon looking eraser that is more rubber than eraser... they were set on the wondrous trinkets and charms separated from them by only a thin piece of glass and a redemption of their hard-earned tickets. you'd think they'd stumbled on the type of treasure only seen in indiana jones and national treasure-esque movies.

i'd had it, though, and i was desperate. it was time to get serious and so i offered each of them a dollar if we could just leave now (actually then, but it was now then). they accepted, not even a counter-offer.... apparently, they had no idea how high i was willing to go just to get us out of that place... note to self: teach son's to be better negotiators but not until they have exceeded the age at which chuck's becomes unenjoyable.

with that, we raced home but not before stopping and grabbing some pizza for a quick bite to eat at home with a bowl of ice cream before bedtime. it was sufficient considering the big party is on friday... should be fun. what's important is that cabes had fun even though i did not... afterall, it was about him, not me (still trying to get used to that concept).

i'm glad we could accomodate lil' c since he's a special guy who we love to have around. cabes is definitely a unique kid. for instance, he's really into trailer hitches and trailers. he's always asking about our hyundai santa fe and why it doesn't have a trailer hitch. he wants a trailer hitch on the car really bad so we can tow the boat (he loves towing things). when he asks me this, i have to explain to him that our engine isn't strong enough to tow a boat, so even if we had a hitch, it wouldn't matter. to this, he'll often reply, "oh man, i hate santa fes," or "we need a new engine, dad," or "dad, you bought the wrong engine for our car." apparently, he's in the market for a tahoe. me too, bud, me too.

needless to say, cabes was in heaven the other day when we borrowed a friend's suburban to tow the boat. he sat in the back and kept and eye on the boat the entire time, informing me about every 8 minutes that everything "was all clear back here." thanks for the updates, caleb... you are an expert co-pilot.

caleb is also very determined, at least that's what we like to call it. to explain, there are some mighty fine stubborn genes on the hodges side and there may even be some better ones on the cooper side... well, i'm pertty sure caleb got the best of both worlds when it comes to stubborn genes. one quick example: he's cried on a road trip for 6 to 7 hours straight. i have a feeling that that kind of determination is going to make him successful at whatever he chooses to do.... at least that's what i tell myself on hour four of the crying to keep myself from throwing the kid out the window.

bottom line, we love caleb. he can make us go from yelling to smiling in about 3 seconds flat. he says some funny things, but often what makes them even funnier is his little raspy voice. caleb is the one who came along to join aim, jameson and me after about three years of trying to get pregnant and a couple of miscarriages. it was a rough time for us, so you can imagine the joy with which his arrival was met. we had been waiting and waiting, and all of a sudden he was there, but that's a story for a different post. i'll address that two posts from now when i post the poem from his birth announcement and rehash his party which i'll take care of after i cover our recent trip to washington dc (next post).

in closing, happy birthday caleb! time to start the countdown to next year. may all your birthdays be filled with pizzaless trips to chuck e. cheeze's and mcdonalds with play areas.

a point of clarification: a birth announcement is in order

not more than two days ago i sat in the safe and quiet confines of my humble office space, most certainly pondering the absurdities of some estate planning scenario, when my blissful condition was suddenly interrupted by the humming vibrations of my cellular telephone. i know that buzzing sound like the buttons on my ten key... text message incoming! sure enough, a text message had arrived from none other than the ever so lovely mrs. blogmaster.

texts from aim are always an event. some tend to scold, while others tend to intrigue... i never know which is coming, but one thing's for certain, each is downloaded with heightened anticipation. such was the case the other day as i toggled from my phone's main menu to the text messaging screen and quickly ascertained the intent of her message upon reading something to the effect of...

"so and so read your blog the other day ... blah, blah, blah ... asked me if i was pregnant ... blah, blah, blah ... you're in big trouble (but she typed it in caps - sorry, alex, i just can't go back to that)."

uh oh, i thought as a piercing jolt of nervousness reverberated up my spine, i've gone and done it this time... there's still time to retract the statement and exact some damage control. i can type a new post to clarify everything... there's still time, all is not lost.

but wait, i told myself, as i surveyed the message once more, there's a little smiley face guy made out of a colon and the closed end of parentheses at the end of the sentence, one of these cute little critters:). never before had a noseless smiley face looked so good. i was safe. no need to unnecessarily delay my drive home tonight, i thought to myself. she's certainly smiling on the other end of that wireless communication device.

of course, the comment she was referring to in her message was the one about me admitting the possibility, and i repeat possibility, that the cooperfive may, and i repeat may, become the coopersix someday, and i repeat someday. just so we're clear, possibility does not equate to certainty, may does not mean are, and someday is not synonymous with nine months from now. i, of course, was merely speaking on a theoretical level and merely hoping to spark global debate on the dangers of this rogue family harvesting yet another nuclear child capable of mass pandemonium. we are currently awaiting un sanctions.

at least this is what i meant when i wrote the post, so once i saw the smiley punctuation guy and knew i was in the clear, i couldn't help but reply by saying:

did i say that? my bad. guess we have to get pregnant, can't mislead the zombies.

i was joking, of course, but just in case i haven't been clear, aim is not pregnant and we are currently not in the throws of getting pregnant seeing as how i'm currently in the throws of typing this blog post. that would require some versatility.

maybe someday. but right now, the latter three of the cooperfive are dishing out more than we can handle. to convince aim to go for numero cuatro is going to require some uncanny charm the likes of which aim only sees on special occassions like my 100th post on this blog: a little martnelis, some champagne glasses, a walmart bouquet of flowers, some chocolate and coldplay... she'll never know what hit her.

alright, i've got to break from character for a second to let you know that there's a pbs special on tv right now about noodlin' catfish. if you have no idea what "noodlin'" is, google it or youtube it and you're in for a treat. you've got to admire these guys... no shame. if i didn't know any better, i'd think this was a mockumentary.... a guy just said he doesn't do it for the "glamour." beautiful... i can't think of anything more glamorous than noodlin'. caleb is watching it with me. i think he's found his dream job. aim and i can only hope... we should be so lucky.

back to the post.

all this pregnant talk reminded me of the time i first found out aim was pregnant with jameson, our first. i remember it as if it were yesterday. i was sitting in our bathtub in the super old-school colonial home we were living in at the time (why wasn't i showering? well, the house was so old it didn't have a shower. that's right, two years or so without a shower but lots of trips to the in-laws to use theirs)enjoying my relaxing bath one morning when aim walked in and made the announcement. we weren't planning to get pregnant at the time, so the news was met by me with sudden shock followed by a stupor of silence.

not quite the reaction aim was needing as it was quite a shock for her too, but like i said... i was pretty surprised, plus i was naked in the bathtub. i wasn't really equipped to deal with the news at the time. seriously, what was i supposed to do? jumping up out of the tub and giving her a hug just didn't seem appropriate given the mood and surroundings. honestly though, having jameson was the best decision we never made... that experience elevated our family and we've never looked back, unless of course wondering why we ever had kids at times is considered "looking back." just kidding. kind of.

anyway, i almost forgot, the birth announcement that's in order is that there will be no births in the cooperfive in the near future, but, keep in mind, "near" is a relative term.

cooperfive myths and their related truths or alex claus comes to town (you choose the title)

i got a haircut today and like this post it was long overdue. unlike sampson, however, i feel as though my blog writing powers have only returned with the loss of my locks.

frankly, i have been in need of some inspiration lately, and i guess a haircut is as good as any life-altering event to prompt a fresh blog entry. if i hadn't already used the story about getting my hair highlighted, i would recount it now... alas, i cannot, so instead i will post the link to that blog entry and invite you to take a stroll down the cooperfive blog memory lane. and if i don't say so myself, it was one of my more clever posts... look what i just said myself!

http://thecooperfive.blogspot.com/2008/11/blond-ambition-yes-i-can.html

i won't leave it at that though, my zombies. i know you are there, checking the blog every day, refreshing your rss feed hoping that a new post will somehow have magically made its way onto the world wide web overnight so that you might have a small dose of entertainment to start your day and face the monotony of life.

unfortunately, it doesn't quite work that way. contrary to popular belief, i don't have little blog-writing gnomes that are constantly at my beck and call... brainstorming blog ideas with me, drafting clever antecdotes, testing out my new material on the masses, blah, blah, blah... no, my friends, i am not so fortunate. each word that makes it way onto your screen is the result of hard work and effort. it is not uncommon for my mind to perform mental contortions the likes of which no spandex laden man performing a cirque du soliel number with another spandex laden man has ever seen... however, my blogs shouldn't make you feel nearly as uncomfortable as those cirque du soleil guys.

so, now you know the truth about the creation of my blog posts. while we're at it, i might as well quelch several other rumors out there on the information superhighway about my blog writing abilities and explain the truth.

fiction: i gave the queen of england an ipod with mp3s of me reading my blog entries for her listening pleasure.

fact: i did give an ipod containing musical renditions of my blog posts as performed by my mother to some lady dressed as a queen at a rennaisance fair hoping to break the cooperfive into that market. unfortunately, i have not posted any pictures of my sisters in their rennaisance/madrigol singing garb on the blog, nor have i mentioned fairies, dragons, or elven kings (apparently, the gnomes reference above was not sufficient), meaning my words did not resonate with that crowd and i was banished from their kingdom.

fiction: i told senate majority leader/nevada senator, harry reid, that i have a gift for blogging.

fact: i told senator reid that i think it's kind of funny that he has a four letter word for a last name and that i will solely refer to him as senator @!#* on this blog going forward. note: i don't think he heard me when i said this since he was nowhere near me at the time it was uttered, nor do i think he will ever read this blog so i am not really afraid of a federal investigation coming my way. should i be, megan?

fiction: i received bailout money as the result of my struggles last month as a blogger (i.e., i only had three posts).

fact: i did not receive bailout money, rather i joined a blogging union and, as such, am only required to author three posts a month. i am on a mandatory break the rest of the time... well, i would have been, but lucky for you, my tarp money didn't arrive in time for me to pay my dues last month and i was kicked out of the union. now, i actually have to pay attention to market forces.

fiction: i said that i am able to come up with better, wiser, and more clever blog posts than a latin woman blogger could because of my "privileged, silver spoon, devoid of any meaningful/educational experiences" upbringing as a white male.

fact: i said that if i were a supreme court justice, the written opinions coming out of the court would be a lot funnier than they currently are even if that meant they would completely lack legal substance; but, that legal technicalities wouldn't matter since i think reading my blog would solve a lot of problems facing this country, no, the world.

fiction: i announced that the cooperfive had nuclear capabilities now and tested several short range missiles in the nevada desert.

fact: i announced that the cooperfive is considering becoming the coopersix and that north korea and iran will be the least of this world's problems if that ever comes to pass and there are four little coopies running around.

ok, that's enough of the not-so-subtle political backhand slapping, let's move onto something a little less politically charged: france. we just finished hosting well known blog zombie, and even more well known frenchman, alex chailleux, at our las vegas residence (which is our only residence).

alex was visiting from his homeland of france for some computer geek convention in san francisco.... at least that's what he says. actually, alex said one of the reasons he was here was to get me to start using upper-case letters, but i suspect it had more to do with the fact that i had not posted in a couple of weeks and reached my all time low of three posts last month. apparently, my blog means more to the masses than my self-absorbed mind can comprehend. but, because it meant so much to me that alex would come, i will grant him his wish and use capital letters...

ALEX IS A GREAT GUY. HE WAS A LOT OF FUN TO HAVE AROUND FOR A FEW DAYS. TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF THE TYPE OF PERSON ALEX IS, WHEN I WENT TO PICK HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT I WAS WALKING AROUND THE BAGGAGE CLAIM LOOKING FOR HIM WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE POPPED UP FROM BEHIND A LUGGAGE CART LIKE A JACK-IN-THE-BOX WITH HIS HANDS IN AIR TO SURPISE ME. DID I MENTION HE'S 41 (ALTHOUGH HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OLDER THAN 30) AND THAT THIS WAS IN A CROWDED PUBLIC PLACE? LIKE I SAID, HE'S A LOT OF FUN TO HAVE AROUND.

ACTUALLY, IT WAS A LOT MORE FUN TO HAVE HIM AROUND THAN IT WAS TO GET READY TO HAVE HIM AROUND. PREPARING FOR HIM TO COME MEANT A LOT OF CLEANING AND ORGANIZING AND ALL THAT STUFF. I SAW A SIDE OF AIMEE I HADN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE... AIMEE THE OBSESSIVE ORGANIZER. AIM LOVES TO ORGANIZE THINGS. SHE ACTUALLY ASKS FOR ORGANIZING MATERIALS, MATCHING HANGARS, AND STUFF LIKE THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY. SHE ORGANIZES DRAWERS, CLOSETS, THE ORDER CLOTHERS ARE HUNG-UP, TUPPERWARE BOXES AND THEN THE BOXES WITHIN THE TUPPERWARE BOXES, ETC. I THINK IT'S GREAT, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES A LITTLE OVERBOARD.

AIM IS ALSO A HABITUAL VACUMER. I ENCOURAGE HER TO LET HER ANGER AND FRUSTRATION ON THE VACUM SINCE IT'S A TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE KIND OF THING. ANYWAY, WHEN ALEX WAS COMING AND WE WERE GETTING EVERYTHING IN ORDER FOR HIS ARRIVAL, IT KIND OF REMINDED ME OF THE TIME SOME PEOPLE FROM THE CHURCH WERE COMING OVER TO HELP US CLEAN SOME THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE 'CAUSE AIM WASN'T FEELING WELL AND SHE STAYED UP UNTIL ONE IN THE MORNING THE NIGHT BEFORE CLEANING THE HOUSE SO IT WOULD BE CLEAN ENOUGH FOR THE CHURCH PEOPLE TO CLEAN. HEAVEN LOVE HER.

WELL, I'LL END IT ON THAT EXCEPT TO SAY THAT...

ALEX, YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! THANKS FOR COMING TO VISIT. THIS POST ID DEDICATED TO YOU, YOUR WAKEBOARDING SKILLS, AIMEE'S CLEANING SKILLS AND THAT NASTY SPILL SHE TOOK OUT ON THE LAKE. I WILL BE MORE COGNIZANT OF MY ZOMBIES' NEED FOR POSTS IN THE FUTURE AND REFRAIN FROM REFRAINING FROM POSTING. ON THAT NOTE, I WILL FORMALLY PROMISE THAT I WILL POST AT LEAST 6 POSTS THIS MONTH AND ALL OF THEM WILL BE REALLY FUNNY... FUNNIER THAN THIS POST... I PROMISE. BUT, I THINK I AM GOING BACK TO LOWERCASE LETTERING... SORRY, ALEX, but we still love you!