all's fair in love and iphones

just before the 25th of december, a friend of mine told me that no matter what, i shouldn't buy my wife an iphone as a Christmas gift. this guy disparagingly said that he recently purchased an iphone for his wife and that their relationship hadn't been the same since... especially in the evening... especially in the bedroom. according to this guy... who will remain unnamed... his wife is too busy spooning with the iphone each night before bed to pay him any attention. maybe it's the phone. maybe it's just him. i'm just saying.

so, i politely finished listening to my friend, but wasn't the slightest bit worried about buying aim an iphone for several reasons. first, i had made my mind up... aim was getting a phone on the 25th even if we got divorced on the 24th. for starters, i already had an iphone and was at times, admittedly, mesmerized by it... in fact, i liked it so much that i wanted my wife to experience the same degree of like for her phone that i felt for mine... and i knew that this would only be possible with an iphone.

the other reason was somewhat sinister. to explain, it is important to understand that upon hearing my friend talk about the amount of attention his wife's iphone got from her, i felt like my wife could probably have sympathized with him in the sense that i think mrs. blogmaster feels a tinge of jealousy every time i pull out my phone to make a call, make a chess move, get some directions, play with a lightsaber, find a place to eat, figure out who sings a song, etc. (there's aps for all those things). in fact, mrs. blogmaster was so aware of my alleged infatuation with my phone that she gave it a name: danielle... and had actually taken a liking to referring to danielle as my mistress. aim claimed that i looked at the phone in a way i should only look at my wife. just for the record, not true.

so, as usual, i felt aim was slightly overreacting and, as such, saw no better way to combat this overreaction than to get aim an iphone of her own (win win). this way she, too, could get lost in the gaze of her iphone's shiny face and, consequently, have no grounds on which to give me a hard time for my alleged infatuation with my phone... alleged... or at least i could claim that this was the case now whether or not it really was. how ya like that apple, babe? the apple iphone, that is. ha!

my plan was brilliant for many reasons. first, it made Christmas shopping for mrs. blogmaster the easiest it had been for years. second, i was able to get mrs. blogmaster something she would genuinely enjoy and appreciate... such a good husband. third, by giving her the phone, i was making it very difficult for her to make fun of me. it was a foolproof plan.

unfortunately, every foolproof plan has at least one chink in its armor (actually, i just made that adage up), for what i did not account for while devising my devious deed is that not only would aim's newfound infatuation for her newfound iphone exceed that for my own, but that she would also struggle to fully abandon her prior cell phone (two-timer)... the samsung, or fabio as i like to call it.

she named my phone, i named hers. what? thing is, she completely disagrees with my choice of name for her phone... in her mind, her phone is more like a bob or joey... no offense, bob and joey.

so, what i once thought was impossible has now become a reality: aim is in fact a more furious texter with heriphone than she ever was with the samsung. in fact, b.i. (before iphone) i thought aim was attempting to become the first person ever to co-author a novel with her buddies solely via text messaging.... at least that's what i used to think; now, however, i'm convinced she's moved on from novels to actually working on the next set of encyclopedia brittanica. what's worse is that it's not uncommon for mrs. blogmaster to have both phones out on each knee, text messaging with one and than the other. i'm not kidding. thing is, i always assumed she was texting other people, but now that i think about it for all i know she was just texting herself:

iphone: hey, hottie how r u?

samsung: not 2 bad, u?

iphone: hot. just like u, imho...

samsung: lol. u r 2 sweet ; )

iphone: it's true. u r gr8.

samsung: omg... i like so heart u : ) : ) : )

sounds about right. i'd have to verify that this is the case, but if the shoe fits... bottom line, i can't complain since i spend a fair amount of time on the iphone myself. plus, i haven't caught aim spooning with her phone in bed at night yet. regardless, that won't keep me from giving her phone a name... it's only fair. in fact, i think her phone looks exactly like a latin guy named daniel, pronounced with an emphasis on the -iel. what a coincidence.