i am hereby appointing some cooperfive czars

czars seem to be all the rage these days seeing as how they can be appointed indiscriminately regardless of how crazy they are... in fact, it seems the kookier you are the better your chances of working in the powerful governmental office. thus, take note, if you are building your czar resume, consider doing the following: make crazy statements, support terrorists, denounce the country, or name even crazier individuals as your heros.

needless to say, i've recently become somewhat disenfranchised with the state of the czar position. far too much disrespect has been exhibited towards today's czars. all this negative press and political commentary spreading, dare i say, embarrassing or radical information about current czars? come on... real czars would have never stood for such insubordination from the common folk. heads would have rolled in imperial russia, literally.

those were the glory days of the great and powerful czars and that's what we need from our czars today. thus, being the humble civl servant i am... ever conscious and concerned about the state of our union and the respect afforded to our elected and appointed officials... i have taken it upon myself to restore some dignity to the office of the all powerful czar. as such, i have created several czar positions and made appointments from my pool of well qualified zombies to fill said positions.

but before we get into the appointments, a quick note to the zombies:

today i was told by a friend who moseyed upon the blog that i have an acerbic wit. acerbic is defined as sharp or biting, as in character or expression. wit is defined as the keen perception and cleverly apt expression of those connections between ideas that awaken amusement and pleasure. i don't know if the comment was meant as a compliment, but i certainly took it as one. my point is that i'm mostly joking about the following. just remember, we're all laughing with you and not at you unless you consider laughing behind your back over something i said about you to be laughing at you. semantics.

blog comment moderator czar

i hereby appoint: emcghee. emcghee deserves this appointment based on her signature pic next to her name where she is kicking back an unidentified bottle of something. don't ask, don't tell... and, as a czar, if anyone does ask, you will have the authority to nip such inquiries in the bud (if you now what i mean). so, consistent with current czars, the picture which likely precludes you from ever running for public office, unquestionably qualifies you to serve as my blog comment moderator czar.

your role as comment moderator czar requires that you continue to comment on essentially every post and that you threaten, extort, bribe, torture (which torture shall include, but not be limited to, forcing zombies to watch the view in surround sound) any and all individuals who should be posting comments on the blog. furthermore, you are to ensure that the tone of all comments are complimentary and flattering of the respective post's author.

blog wardrobe stylist consultant czar and post drafter

i hereby appoint: megan. megan gets this appointment because she once dressed up like a head of lettuce that looked suspiciously similar to a marijuana crop for a roadshow while in high school. megan's not the only zombie who dressed up all crazy for the roadshow, but she had a speaking part, so she gets the nod. i'm sure megan never knew her costume resembled pot and i'm certain she always passes on grass, but the line between fact and fiction can get so blurry in the media. as such, we'll need some more craziness: i will start a rumor that her portrayal of letty lettuce makes it clear she is in favor of people dressing up like vegetables to remind the rest of the world that cooking and eating vegetables is cruel and insensitive as vegetables are living things, too. would you eat those sautéed carrots if you'd heard them scream while being cooked alive in that torture device you call a steamer? clearly, that's what megan stands for.

your role as blog wardrobe stylist consultant and post drafter is to not only make sure that the cooperfive looks good in all of its pictures on the blog but to ensure that everyone else looks bad in all their pictures on every blog on the entire internet. also, it is your job is to take my posts and draft them into a teleprompter which you will carry around with me so that i can read my posts to the common folk of las vegas nevada upon request... if i feel like it.

picture moderator czar

i hereby appoint: kelly. kelly gets this spot because i once saw her driving her minivan with her husband in the passenger's seat. clearly, kelly is a strong-willed woman who supports something as radical as wives driving instead of their husbands. that's pretty extreme... even for my standards.

your role as picture moderator czar is to curb my sudden enthusiasm for posting halloween pics of the cooperfive. i can't help myself. i've even included some more pics in this post. please help me stop, but if anyone complains about the excessive pics, i need you to take them out for me.

european liaison czar

i hereby appoint: alex. alex deserves this appointment because of, arguably, the most controversial qualification of all: he's french. need i say more?

alex, your job is to ensure that i win a nobel prize without actually having to do anything (you're just not going to let that go are you, blogmaster?). i am also interested in making a pitch to the olympic committee for bringing the olympics to las vegas, so i'll need you to shepherd that whole campaign along for me. lastly, look into getting me my own line of french pajamas, please.

i'd love to go on and appoint all of the zombies to a czar position, but i just don't have the time. but, never fear, i intend to appoint a czar to appoint czars for me. in the meantime enjoy the pics that czar kelly can't prevent because she is not aware of her appointment just yet.

after being inspired by the face painting guy i mentioned in a previous post, i decided to take face painting into my own hands and this is what happened. all cooperfive czars can and should get free face painting from me.

i'm actually kind of proud of this one considering the rudimentary tools i was using.

this is colston with his new belt buckle. aim got these jeans for him recently and he looked so good, aim had to get a shot. he respects the buckle. i need a nice big belt buckle. i feel like less of a man without one. note to blogmaster: appoint belt buckle czar.


these are some witch hats aim made. she got the idea from my sisters. they're pretty cool, so i think i am going to have her make similar hats for all of the cooperfive czars to wear with pride. they'll be the hottest thing since male belly shirts.