smores in vegas during the month of august: sitting around the fire pit with the king of sarcasm

i love my wife.

she has some great ideas.

recently she thought it would be fun to go to a nearby park to fire up the old barbi and throw a couple of smores on coat hangars and dangle'em over the flames. in vegas, during the months of december through february, sitting around a campfire and roasting smores is a fine idea... lots of people do it. most people don't do it during august in one of the hottest places on earth, however.

if most people went and jumped off a bridge would you, too?

thing is, we're not conformists... actually, we kind of are(and by the way i think conformity is way underrated. it gets such a bad rap these days).

my point is that it doesn't bother us that other people think it nonsensical to sit around a fire pit in the heat of a vegas summer to roast some marshmellows. mrs. blogmaster likes, no loves, her smores and if she wants a smores done rightly, by gosh she is going to get her firepit roasted smores. aim's a bit of a smores snob. she can only take so many microwaved smores. this time of year, though, you don't even need a fire to melt the chocolate... just throw it on the ground and let the heat do its work.

so, there we were: at the park, fashioning our roasting apparatuses, starting to sweat a little, the chocolate melting, but not before all the kids and dads... read: pyromaniacs... obssesessively worked on igniting the fire. we, mr. and mrs. blogmaster that is, actually have some customized marshmellow roasters we got for our wedding (delightful gift)... you could say we are smores connoisseurs (aim, at least. i hate smores. i don't get marshmellows: here have some air that's sticky... wait have some air that's sticky and laced with ash after being burnt over a fire. what? the only thing i hate more, or equally as much, is cotton candy. aim likes both quite a bit). it was just like Christmas except that we were sweating, wearing shorts, and not exchanging gifts or singing carrols.

turns out some of the people there with us making smores weren't the "hot summer nights in vegas sitting around a bonfire roasting smores" enthusiasts we hoped they would be. one person in particular maybe even gave the impression that he didn't want to be here. we heard some grumbles and a word of protest or two, but nothing too offensive. i knew he was just messing around... that was his way of expressing his sense of humor. you know, it's kind of his thing.

apparently, the wife of said individual felt his conduct was such that mrs. blogmaster, the event's organizer, may not have "gotten" his sense of humor and, as a result, and been offended. just to clear things up, mrs. blogmaster was highly offended and pretty much cried herself to sleep that night. i, on the other hand, had to be restrained by my boys from attacking the smores in vegas during august hater the following sunday at church during a talk on not being easily offended.

luckily, for the smores in vegas during august hater, by the time he actually got around to apologizing to mrs. blogmaster... at the behest of his wife... mrs. blogmaster and i had calmed down. he explained that his wife thought he should apologize because of the whole mrs. blogmaster might not get his sense of humor thing. i think mrs. blogmaster replied to his apology tritely by saying "oh, i didn't even notice you sulking around and complaining about the heat and the fire and all the cost of firewood. i wasn't offended at all." to which he replied saying something like, "that's what i told my wife... i mean, mrs. blogmaster is married to the king of sarcasm, she has to have gotten that i was joking."

first off, i prefer the supreme chancellor of sarcasm. king just sounds so feudal and anti-braveheart.

secondly, i am never sarcastic with my wife except that i am almost always sarcastic with my wife. but it's not all bad since i am much worse with my mother. of course she is much more gullible than mrs. blogmaster. you should have seen the signs, aim.

thirdly, most people should generally assume that whatever i say isn't true... or at least not take it at face value. part of that is because i am a lawyer and the other part is because i was born that way.

an example, not long ago i authored a post in which i said that i had only recently discovered that michael jackson, the king of pop, had just passed away. thing is, this was like 2 months after his death and the subsequent media circus that permeated every facet of our waking lives. my brother-in-law took my comment seriously. big mistake. people have died by taking lesser comments from me seriously.

i lie, people. deal with it. but i don't lie in a hurtful or malicious way. i lie to make the lot of you laugh. plus, technically, it's not really a lie since it's not actually meant to be taken seriously (how else could i make my living as a semi-professional blogger?). most of the time it's so obvious that what i say isn't true, it's actually funny. unless of course we are talking about my family and some of the things they do in which case it's so unlikely that what they say or do is true that when you find out it is in fact true, it's funny (like showing up to every major theme park a half hour before they open on all family vacations).

i know, kind of confusing... but that's how my intricate mind works (you say twisted, i say intricate). do you follow?

bottom line: as the supreme chancellor of sarcasm, i am not capable of forsaking sarcasm as it defines not only who i am but who i can become.

i don't expect you to understand, but i do expect you to roast some smores over a bonfire before the end of summer. get to it.