oh, the post i could author if i'd only gone to girls' camp

i didn't go to girls' camp for obvious reasons, but i did go help set some stuff up. aim, on the other hand, did go to girls' camp and had quite the experience. keep reading. i would loved to have been a mosquito on someone's skin during that week of girls' camp just so i could see and hear the going-ons of my wife and her cohorts as they pulled off their best fronteirswomen impressions (not that i'm a big camper or anything, i just think it would have been amusing). for starters, the following commentary could have been so much richer and more robust had i been a first hand participant. alas, i was not, so you'll just have to settle for my version of girls camp as seen through my lens of satire against a backdrop of subtle sarcasm.

for those unfamiliar with the oddity of girls' camp, it's a church thing where all the teenage girls go to a camp in the mountains with their adult female leaders who camp with them (and maybe rent a room at the lodge down the street for when the tent-living life gets a tad too onerous).

girls' camp is an interesting form of camping... not quite the same as the boy scout camps i'm used to. take for instance the trinkets and nick-knacks the adult leaders prepare for the girls: nighty night snacks and the like. i'm not sure what nighty night snacks are... i can guess... but, apparently, the girls got these every night before hitting the sack... kind of like when you stay at a nice hotel and they give you a truffle or something on your bed except that the point of camping is that you're not staying at a nice hotel and enjoying the amenities of modern civilization. i'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, i just find it somewhat humorous. nice gesture, but unheard of in the world of man camping.

it wasn't just nighty night snacks, though. aim spent several hours of each day doing her own preparations for girls' camp, so yes, she was very prepared to rough it. unfortunately, the lion-share of her prep time did not consist much of getting camping gear ready or learning how to start a fire or kill a wild boar with a handmade wooden spear; instead, aim's days were consumed with designing and configuring wholly unique memorabilia to give the girls she was working with.

there was the "you've been caught red handed" note with an attached pack of big red gum that would go to girls doing something nice for someone else (fyi: i helped design that one, it was stellar) and then there was something with cliff bars, umbrellas... i think... and lots of other stuff that is pretty much essential for any camping trip. canteen: check, flashlight: check, tent: check, you've been caught red handed notes: check. again, very nice gesture and part of the novelty of what makes girls' camp not really "camping" at all, but still somewhat foreign to a guy like me.

and then there's the healthy gourmet meals planned and prepared by none other than chef extraordinaire and fellow blog zombie, megan. i heard the meals were really, really, really good and natural, except for the scones that were made from rhodes rolls... i can't believe you didn't make the dough from scratch. sellout. your mother would be so disappointed. j/k (that means just kidding). hearing about the menu reminded me of the spaghetti sauce pizzas topped with the yellow cheese and hot dog chunks i used to get back during my camping days. now that was good stuff.

then there was the tent set up. shane (see past post on shane, like one of the first five, to learn more about shane) and i (and some other people) helped set up a few tents... five or six to be exact. the overall setting of the tents wasn't the greatest, but who really cares it's just a bunch of tents... it's not like were planning summerlot here? funny thing is, there's an answer to that rhetorical question and that answer would be: mrs. blogmaster. yes, aim was bothered by the tent arrangement as it just wasn't working for her.., the feng shui just wasn't there and her chi was getting all out of whack. heaven forbid.

that being the case, aim started to secretly ask me some questions like: jer, how do you feel about this set-up? followed up by, this isn't doing it for me (the tent set-up, not our marriage). i knew exactly where this was going and, as such, i tried to head things off at the pass, but to no avail. needless to say, shane and i, and a couple of others, ended up rearranging a few of the tents, one of which was easily the biggest tent i have ever seen in my life. bottom line: she was right, but i never doubted that the set-up could be better, i just didn't want to undo the work that had been done just so things were a little more ergonomic, if that's even possible in this scenario. well, at least she didn't get her chi all bent out of shape.

and last, but certainly not least: for those who didn't know, camp ended a little prematurely for the ladies due to constant rainstorms and lots of flooding. sounds like things were fairly catastrophic... lots of water, mud, and scared teenage girls being told to take their clothes off to stay dry. interesting. unfortunately, the girls didn't get their full week of camp in... and this really was a shame considering all the work and effort that had been put into it; but i don't blame an act of God for this... heavens no, i blame george bush and fema for not taking action sooner and helping out the helpless.

the good thing is that the girls were able to have their unisex dance before things got all tempestuous on them. sounds kind of odd on the surface but, from what i hear, it was possibly the highlight of the week. apparently, mrs. blogmaster got her groove on in a big way. i'm still waiting for pics from the dance to surface on the internet. stay tuned.

one quick unrelated story, but somewhat on topic, before i end (and you know what i mean by quick). aim and i have only been camping once... i think. it was many moons ago not long after we were married when our ward at the time did a ward camp out. it wasn't all bad, but i do remember two things from the trip. first, i remember being scared to death and making several deals with my maker to preserve my life after hearing about the blair witch project from a fellow camper while huddled around the camp fire (or was it the coleman stove) and thinking that that night could very well be my last. fyi: i tend to get a little paranormal sometimes (see upcoming post on salem). luckily, the blair witch spared me, but, thinking back, it was really silly of me to have been so worried about a fictional movie character when much more viable threats like the chupacabra and yeti could have been roaming around out there.

the other thing i remember is aim's and my conversation before bed that night. i don't remember the specifics of the conversation, but i do remember being a good listener... as a matter of fact, i remember being such a good listener that i don't think i did any talking at all... a suspicion which was confirmed the following morning when someone, upon realizing aimee was the one doing all the talking while everyone else was trying to sleep, said "that was you? i was all impressed thinking you were reading scriptures out loud or something." who knew? definitely not me. i was fast asleep before aim finished her "conversation" with me.

i'm not saying anything, i'm just saying... obviously, mrs. blogmaster had a lot to say.

all in all, i commend those involved in putting together and pulling off girls' camp especially considering the torrential downpour and resulting issues. good job, you've all been caught red handed and you definitely deserve an extra nighty night snack on your pillows before going to bed tonight. until next year...