i've underestimated my ability to offend and i didn't even mention politics (didn't is past tense)

here we are some seven days later and not a single one of you has commented on my last post commemorating the birth of my son, colston, with a comment wishing the poor lad a happy birthday. he is beside himself... unable to sleep, eat, or function as a normal two year old boy does. gone are the days when he would wake up in the morning singing a happy song to welcome the sunshine into his sleepy room. gone are the days when he would skip to and from the local florist with a bouquet of flowers for his dear mum. gone are the days when he would happily vacuum our fake grass without even having to be asked to.

sadly, these serene moments of blissful innocence are a thing of the past and all because i lowered my blogging standards by poking fun at rodent dogs in knitted sweaters with names like dookie and pinto.

really?

to that i say, where's the fun in wallowing in the gutter all by my lonesome? well, i would suggest that this type of behavior is not the answer... for it would be much better were you to bring yourself down to my level by snapping back with some tart retort about how i don't understand "dog love" and "crocheted sweaters" or how i'm so "old fashioned" and "full of myself" and that i just don't get "it" or how i just am not "cool" or a "mr. fancy pants" or "with it, man" or part of the "in-crowd" or "johnny's gang" or i'm just not a "new kid on the block" or a "socialite named after a place in france" or i must be an "american idol hater" or a "non-people magazine reader" or how i just didn't like the "sixth sense that much" and i probably just don't find humor in shows like "two and a half men" or live in "summerlot" or shop at "nordstroms" or "whole foods" and eat "non-organic food" because i certainly don't know how to have a "good time" or go "clubbing" or do the "electric boogaloo" and "party like it's 1999" while i "pass on grass, all the time" and write in "run-on" sentences and "lower case letters" while overusing "quotation marks" "!" "!" "!"

"in your face," you might say. and then no one wins. correction, no human wins, but the dogs do. and then they take over the world and make us wear the knitted sweaters without any pants.

something downright smoldering like that should do the trick. and at that point, my friend, you would have lowered yourself down to my level and, who knows, we might just become best buddies and find something we can both pick on, like "cats" the musical and the animal because i'm really more of a dog guy. then ye shall see that i cannot be found in league with those wretched dog haters and their ilk. i loved, and i mean loved, the "yo, quiero taco bell" pup before taco bell over did that entire franchise. and who doesn't love scooby doo? i'm also a big fan of chewbacca's and he's pretty much an evolved version of a dog in the lucas universe.

so, in case you are wondering, this is me trying to apologize to those of you who may have taken offense to my previous post. such was not my intent as i was really only trying to get us all to laugh at ourselves... especially if we're one of those people who owns a dog and treats it like buffy and sterling would at the country clud. but seriously, i miss the comments from my good and faithful friends "up in bubbles," "team howey," "emcee mcghee," and the like.

it pains me to think that i may have damaged our blogging relationship beyond repair and, as such, i am taking a page right out of our president's handbook and offering my outstretched hand to all in an effort to please everyone. can we still be friends? and there i go, i can't even apologize without offending all my democrat friends. i just had to do it.

tune in next week when i profusely apologize to the obama zombies."""""""""""""""