i'm dreaming of a trailer park christmas

i've got time for a quick post, so here you go. actually, i don't have time, i should be sleeping, but i'll go without for you my fans.

'tis the season to deocarte and get the house all christmasy looking. with that in mind, we pulled down the oversized tupperware and got out all the holiday decor. the boys loved it. they danced around our little fake tree like pyros around a campfire... which they also do. so, now the house has been christmastized and christmas can officially come to the cooper household.

feel free to come by and check out the decor, but let me warn you about a few things before you do. first off, the outside lights i hung are not quite up to aimee code. i spent an hour or so on saturday hanging up the lights... which isn't something i look forward to, but caleb was adamant that not another day pass without the outside lights going up. he wanted me to hang them the very night we busted out the decorations, but it was dark and cold outside. getting him to wait until saturday was tough, but he made it.

i hung the lights, but not necessarily with care i guess because after i was done, and the ladder was put away of course, aim pointed out that there was too much slack on the string of lights in between nails. i am a secure man and i have nothing against a good honest critique, but this is something that is much more appreciated if pointed out before i get down from the ladder and put everything away. needless to say, to aim's chagrin, i did not pick up the slack on the light string. that being the case, you will not be allowed into the house this holiday season unless you are wearing a wifebeater, have homemade eggnog in hand, or still have curlers in your hair.

seriously, when it's dark outside, you can barely even tell there is slack on the light string, so you'll hardly feel all that unsophisticated and unfancy stepping into our house because of our deocrations. although the tree in our front yard that was bent 90 degrees backwards as the result of a winter breeze may make you feel a little improper... that or the fact that we don't offer holiday tea each day.

back to the tree: it looked kind of trashy at first all bent back and out of place, but this wasn't such a bad thing since it made it easier to trim the top portion of it before propping it back up... something i'd neglected to do for several months because it required a ladder (here we go with the ladder again). now that the tree is upright again, it definitely looks a little less trashy than before: think sideshow bob as tree (the bottom and sides were nicely trimemed, but the top was unkept and growing out of control in all directions. i call it art, the home owners association calls it an eyesore. they have no taste.

moving on...

once you step inside our humble abode you are sure to forget all about white trashiness of the slacker lights and flopping afro trees since aim and the boys have done a nice job of sprucing things up, that is as long as you avoid the peppermint hershey's kisses in the ceramic santa candy jar thing in the kitchen. nothing against peppermint hershey's kisses, but these ones in particular may not be quite the treat you would expect as i suddenly discovered the other night.

the night i refer to was none other than last sunday night... but not just any sunday night, it was a fast sunday night. for the uninitiated, in mormon world, fast sunday is the first sunday of every month during which all food and drink is abstained from four twenty-four shours. for me the twenty-four hours begins around midnight on saturday and lasts through breakfast and lunch the next day and ends with an early dinner around four. i'm pretty sure that adds up to twenty-four. anyway, my point is that come three or four sunday afternoon i am usually ready to eat just about anything and generally that first thing i eat at the break of the fast is the best tasting thing i will eat all month. so, i try to be a little selective in my choice. for example, this last sunday i was looking forward to eating a peppermint hearshey's kiss to kick off my holiday eating season.

i'd seen the kids eating them. they are christmasy. i needed to get in the spirit of the holiday season. i like chocolate and i like peppermint. what better way to make me feel festive to get in the true spirit of christmas than by eating a peppermint hershey's kiss? a peppermint hershey's kiss seemed perfect for the occasion, so i patiently awaited the moment when i could uncontrollably tear off the tin foil wrapper of a kiss and enjoy its yultide flavor. i waited. and waited. and waited as my stomach made all kinds of wierd noises until finally the moment arrived. it was then that i anxiously made my way down to the shopping network santa jar which encased the kisses and selected some chocolate to break the fast.

i subsequently tore open the wrapper and tossed the kiss into my mouth expecting pure silky smooth delight, but instead endured, or attempted to endure, a stale piece of plasticky chocolate... if you can even call it chocolate. it was bad. so bad that even one of our boys couldn't stomach it. nor could i. i couldn't spit it out fast enough. i felt like a kid again getting my mouth washed out with soap... who'd have thought chocolate could taste so bad? i guess i would have, had i known that it was the same chocolate that was in the ceramic fat man jar from the year before.

apparently, when the santa jar was put away last year, the candy was not removed. as such, it was still there when the jar took up its proper place in the kitchen again this year just waiting for an unwitting fool, such as myself, to grab a handful of hershey's kisses to break the fast. silly me... i guess it should have known we would never have thrown out or used up some uneaten chocolate kisses seeing as how we are so resourceful and industrious around here. but at least you now know and will be spared from making the same mistakes i did. unless you're into that kind of stuff, in which case we still have a full jar of the kisses for you... help yourself. otherwise, if you can find it within yourself to get past the slacker christmas lights and the bended tree outside, fear the hershey's kisses of death in the cooper household... especially if it's a fast sunday.