Thursday, October 21, 2010

more pics (good witch, bad witch), with some words mixed in (colston exacts his revenge)

it's that time of year again when a good little mormon girl known better known as my wife, gets dressed up like a person who makes a habit out of practicing in the art of black magic and joins a coven of like-dressed individuals to sip some word of wisdom forbidden tea, aka witches' tea.  isn't all hallows eve great?

seriously, i really enjoy halloween.  of course, i'm the guy who made the pitch for salem over cape cod and have always wanted to tour the haunted mansions advertised in the airport of new orleans.  as i've said before, i'm a sucker for the supernatural.  i'll admit it, i love the prevailing spooky atmosphere, the excuse to dress up and pretend to be someone you're not, and the desire to watch scary movies.  problem is, with all the costume parties and technological advancements in children's costumes, halloween is becoming almost as expensive as Christmas.

when i was a kid, a costume pretty much consisted of a sheet, some hand-me-down clothes, or a plastic jumpsuit with a character printed on it and a cheap plastic mask.  now, my kids get all diced out in body armor suits that feature ripped abs, biceps and pectoral muscles.  and then there's the adult costumes... i found a pretty sweet green lantern costume that i was really tempted to purchase because it actually looked like green lantern, but it was too pricey.  aim, on the other hand, doesn't have as much self control as i do and she has more reasons to dress up.  problem is, most female adult costumes in this day and age seem to be patterned after the wardrobes (or lack thereof) of many of the professional dancers making a living in this town.  i can hardly take my kids with me to shop for costumes anymore.

at any rate, as noted above, the costumes aren't cheap and it doesn't seem like we can just stop at one anymore.  for starters, we did a group theme thing with some friends at a get together last weekend.  i must admit, we looked good and it was fun, but, i don't know that i'll ever wear the stuff i wore at that party again and i wasn't even trick or treating there.  then tonight, aim threw on the witch garb and got her broomstick on as you can see in the pics.  side note: if i must, i'll take credit for the white witch idea and, yes, i think she looks amazing, so deal with all the pics or skip over them.  so far, aim = two costumes, jer = one.  then colston wanted to be the flash, jameson wanted to be snake eyes, and luckily caleb chose one we already had in stock: beyond batman.  i don't even want to do the math.

plus, if i throw in the cost to replace the window colston broke last week, and the dvd player he ruined, or the couch cushions he drew on (yes, all last week), then i start to really get depressed.  then there was his incident from last night.

so, i was sitting in the kitchen talking to a friend when all of a sudden colston comes down saying he's hungry and goes straight for the candy.  i shoot that down in a hurry and tell him to go to bed (it's like 9:30), but he pretty much ignores me and keeps saying he's hungry.

i assume he's really not hungry but just wants candy, so i don't give him anything.  he persists, so i finally give him some grapes and a cookie and send him on his way.  i don't hear from him the rest of the night and conclude that he's either passed out due to severe starvation or gone to sleep.  either way he's being quiet.

fast forward to this morning.  the boys are getting ready for school and the older two head into where  colston is sleeping.  all of a sudden i'm hearing all this talk from the room about how colston has pooped his pants.  my first thought is that it's not likely seeing as how he's potty trained, but the complaints keep coming.  my next thought is, well if he did drop a deuce in his drawers, at least its contained within his drawers which means there will be minimal mess to clean up on the bed, floor, windows, and any other conceivable thing you'd never think a kid could get doo doo on.

but then, the words that pierced my ever so sensitive ear drums left one of the boys mouths: "he pooped on the floor."  at this moment a feeling of extreme frustration overcame me as this is not the first time colston has dropped trou and unloaded in his bedroom.  usually it's number one, but it's not like that's any better.  at that point i go into his room to get to the bottom of this and tell him to clean it up.  of course, he's too tired to do it; but, i'm not about to let him slip out of this one because he's conveniently tired, so i tell him he's still going to have to take care of it when he gets up.

next thing i know i'm out of the shower and catching some breakfast downstairs on my way out the door.  before i leave i pause to ask my wife is she was aware of the fact that colston had gone number two in his room upstairs. the main reason i do this is to make sure that in case colston hadn't cleaned it up yet, she would take care of it before i got home (that's a veteran move right there).  well, it just so happens that she had heard the news and, in an effort to keep me informed of what's going on in our children's lives, she relayed to me that when she asked colston why he pooped on the floor in his room, he told her the reason.

his reply: because i was hungry.

this can only lead me to believe that this was his passive aggressive way of getting even with me for not giving him any candy the night before and sending him to bed: going number two on his bedroom floor.  it's pretty funny actually if it's not your kid, but, as luck would have it, colston is just that: my kid.

in closing, let this be a lesson to us all:  the next time you don't get what you want, public defecation is an effective form of retaliation as it makes a powerful, if not pungent, statement without anyone getting hurt.

well played, son.  well played.


Alexandre said...

Gonna start this technique right away with my boss. I'll let you know if it works.

Kelly said...

Jeremy I am SO GLAD you're back to blogging. There is no other blog that makes me laugh out loud like your does! Your post about Aimee's reunion had me in stitches, in fact, I read it out loud to my sister in California. This post once again had me wiping tears from my eyes as I silently laughed so as not to wake the baby. You have such a talent with writing, really! I LOVE it. Also I told Aimee last night I can't get over your family pictures. You have got to be the best looking family around. I also loved Aimee's witches costume. She is always one to go above and beyond and look amazing! Maybe in the next life, I can look like her! :) Thanks for all the laughs! I've missed you!

the cooperfive said...


please report back on how the technique goes with your boss.


i'm glad to see you're back and reading. your comments make writing the posts more enjoyable. i, too, really liked aim's costume. thank you for the compliments on the pics and for your kind words about aim. i can sympathize with your sentiment since i can only hope to be as devilishly handsome as erik someday.

iinitiate the blog

iinitiate the blog